Rebuke!

Friends and family are so very important in life.  They have power to encourage, exhort, and love unconditionally!  They also have the ability to pull down and even destroy.  That's why it's so important to have input and purpose, and give direction when it comes to our children's friends, as well as our own.  Everything should have a purpose.  It's easy to see when a child is being pulled in the wrong direction, but it's harder to do something about it.  

We are extremely blessed with many friends who care enough about us to tell us the truth, to rebuke us when needed.   Several of our friends have pointed out things that we wouldn't have caught otherwise.  Some have questioned our choices and motives to help us see something better.  At the conclusion of a 4 day visit we asked our friends, 'What are we missing?  What can we improve on?'  And can you believe they were honest?!!!  Proverbs  27:5  "Open rebuke [is] better than love carefully concealed."   We know they love us dearly!  That was a huge blessing because at the time we didn't see it at all, and then BAM! it was there.  It was huge!  And it was ugly!  But we knew how to correct it and that gentle, loving rebuke saved us from a lot of pain and turmoil down the road.

So now we try to make it a practice to let our friends know that we want their feedback!  We want help!  We don't want to look back on this journey with regret, wishing we had done something different when it's too late.   I pray we always have humble, teachable hearts, yeilding to God's will and God's way!

Proverbs 9:8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise [man], and he will love you.

Proverbs 13:18 Poverty and shame [will come] to him who disdains correction, But he who regards a rebuke will be honored.

Proverbs 15:32 He who disdains instruction despises his own soul, But he who heeds rebuke gets understanding.

Proverbs 17:10 Rebuke is more effective for a wise [man] Than a hundred blows on a fool.

Proverbs 19:25 Strike a scoffer, and the simple will become wary; Rebuke one who has understanding, [and] he will discern knowledge.

Proverbs 24:25 But those who rebuke [the wicked] will have delight, And a good blessing will come upon them.

Ecclestiastes 7:5 [It is] better to hear the rebuke of the wise Than for a man to hear the song of fools.

2 Timothy 4:2 Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.

Titus 1:13 This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith,

Titus 2:15 Speak these things, exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no one despise you.

Revelation 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent.

Mother's and Father's

Jeff is starting a church in the spring and the past few weeks he has been filling in for our pastor while he is down with surgery.  We all get so excited when he preaches!  This past Sunday I was going to stay home for not feeling well, and Jeff said, "What?  You're not going to church? You have to go!  This sermon is about nursing mother's, how many sermons do you hear about nursing mothers?"  I laughed and more out of curiosity went to church.  How my heart was blessed! 


Review


Mother and father

Scripture records Paul saying to the Galatians, "My children, with whom I am again in labor until Christ is formed in you." He was once in labor to give them birth and now he is in labor again to bring them to spiritual maturity. So there he portrays himself as a mother.

In 1 Corinthians 4:15 he says, "For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ yet you would not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father." So there he portrays himself as a father. So these are familiar metaphors for spiritual leadership.

Let me reduce it to a simple concept. A mother illustrates gentle care and a father illustrates strong authority. The tenderness and gentleness of motherly care, the strength and courage and leadership of fatherly care are the balance to spiritual leadership.

2:7: “But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children

Verse 7 begins with a very important word, "but" It's been used already three times in this brief chapter. It's a series of not this but this, not this but this, not this but this. It's used as what we call an adversative...it flips it over, not this but on the other hand this. What is he saying? Far from being a greedy self motivated flatterer, given over to control or manipulation or abuse, rather than that, verse 7, we prove to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. "Among you" talks about the fact that he was really involved with his people. We were in the midst of you gentle. Gentle is a beautiful word, epios, used here and in 2 Timothy 2:24 only in the New Testament. It simply means to be kind to someone. And Paul says as we moved among you we were kind to you. We didn't come to abuse you. We didn't come to take from you. We didn't come to exploit you. We didn't come to manipulate you. We moved among you with kindness. This is the spiritual leader caring for his people, being concerned about their well being, sensitive to their personal needs. It implies acceptance of all of them. It implies respect. It implies compassion. It implies tolerance of imperfections. It implies patience. It implies tender heartedness. It implies loyalty. We weren't abusive or domineering over you. We were gentle. We were kind to you.

How gentle? I love the metaphor he selects. "We proved to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children." The term here definitely refers to a nursing mother because of the phrase "her own children." He says we were to you as a nursing mother tenderly caring for her own children. And the metaphor is perfect. He picks out the most tender of all human relationship. There is none to match it. There is no human relationship that is as tender and as gentle as a nursing mother and her infant child. There's no authority in that metaphor. The mother doesn't nurse her baby with authority or dominance. There's no prominence on her part, no seeking of honor. There is only the simple giving of life. The nursing mother is a love that spares nothing. It illustrates the personal care that Paul gave to the church.

The verb "cherish" literally means to warm with body heat. How graphic as the mother takes the bay in her arms and warms the little life with her own body heat and passes on her life to that life. The intimacy of that, the beauty of that, the tenderness of that has no equal. So Paul says in verse 6, "Look, we could have asserted our authority. We might have come in and just laid responsibility down on you We could have been nothing more than a father but we weren't.. But our ministry wasn't just that. In contrast, we proved to be as gentle with you as a nursing mother tenderly caring for her own children." So Paul says in spite of our legitimate claim to apostolic authority, we used another approach, and we balanced our authority with tenderness.

2:8: So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us”

So now we're going deeper into this metaphor. The word "so" is the connector. “So” means as a nursing mother and thus he extends the metaphor into verse 8, where he says “being affectionately desirous of you”. Certainly this is true of a mother and her baby. A mother with a little child in her arms has a tremendous affection. That's normal and natural and God-given. And that's what motivates her gentle care. And as every mother knows there's no applause for this, there are no laurels, there are no awards for mothering. All you get is crying babies, dirty diapers, sleepless nights, runny noses. It's hard, consistent, endless watchful care.

The wording “affectionately desirous” means to long for someone. In fact, we find it on some grave inscriptions where it describes a parents' sad longing for a dead baby, a child gone from their life. It indicates a deep affection that winds up as a passionate longing.

That longing is what makes that mother want that little life in her arms. That's the way God designed it. And Paul is saying that's a picture of a spiritual leader's responsibility to have a longing for a tender relationship with his people, a yearning, a motherly compulsion. That should be in the heart of the spiritual leader. And Paul says it was, verse 8, so we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our lives. When we came to you it wasn't just duty or responsibility, it was with genuine care. We had a fond affection for you so we were “willing”. That term "willing" means we were eager, we were zealous. You weren’t a burden, you were a joy. In fact, in verse 20 of this chapter he says you are our glory and joy.

And so he says, "We were willing, we were pleased, to impart to you not only the gospel of God," stop at that point. First he imparted the gospel of God. The word "impart" means to share. And the verb carries the idea of giving someone something of which you retain a part. And that's exactly what happens when you give someone the gospel, right? You give them the gospel but even though you've given it to them, you still possess it. That's why we say we share our faith. We give it away and yet we keep it and so there's a bond there. So Paul is saying...Look, we had a fond affection for you and consequently we were well pleased to share with you the gospel of God.

And I think when he's talking about the gospel of God he goes beyond justification to embrace sanctification, their maturing as believers. So he is saying not only did I share with you that which saved you but I also gave you that which sanctifies you in that gospel. But it's more than that. He says we were pleased to give you that but not only that but also our own lives, our own psuche, our own soul. That means the totality of our earthly existence. I literally give up my life for you. That's what he's saying. And that's what a mother does. A mother who is faithful to being what a mother ought to be, she sets aside her life for the life of her baby. She is sacrificial. She is unselfish. She is generous. That baby’s life dominates her life. You can't have a baby and go on living your own life and fulfill God's intention for a mother. That baby consumes your life. You're there to feed it, to love it, to change it, to put it to sleep, to wake it up, to dress it, to care for its every need. That's what God intended.

Gladly does a mom give her life for her child. And so Paul says like a mother we were well pleased to give you not only the truth we gave you our lives. Not only were we like a nursing mother pulling you close and giving you the life- saving milk of the Word, but we also would give you our lives, time, energy, everything.

Why? Why does a mother do this? The end of verse 8, the same reason a spiritual leader does it, because you had become very dear to us...beloved is the word. That's the essence of a mother's love...a strong compelling sense of the preciousness of the child. You were dear to us. You were of value. You were worthy. You were priceless to me. No way could I shuffle you off. No way could I treat you with indifference. There is a strong affection. There is a longing that fills my heart for you, not out of duty but because you were dear to me. That has to mark spiritual leaders.

2:9 “For ye remember, brethren, our labor and travail: for laboring night and day, because we would not be chargeable unto any of you, we preached unto you the gospel of God

The metaphor then extends then into verse 9, because the word "for" carries us through into transition, leading us out of the analogy of verses 7 and 8 into the application here in verse 9, "For you recall, brethren," and here's another mother metaphor, "our labor and hardship, how working night and day so as not to be a burden to any of you we proclaimed to you the gospel of God." That’s a mom, working, laboring night and day, providing for her children so that she is no burden for them.

You recall, don't you, how it was when we were there with you? You know what our attitude and conduct was. Listen, if anybody tells you that we came to take and not to give, just think back and remember? Were we aiming at wealth? Were we aiming at power or prestige or popularity? Were we aiming to take advantage of anyone? You recall, you know, that we weren’t. As he says in 2 Corinthians “We were poor making many rich spiritually." You recall, don't you, our labor, our hardship? We weren't takers, we were givers.

It was always sacrifice for Paul and Silas and Timothy. It was always a life-giving kind of ministry. That's the picture of a mother.

What can a newborn child give a mother? Absolutely nothing. What price can a child pay for a nursing mother? What price can a child pay for deep affection? What price can a child pay for the longing of a mother's heart that lifts it up and embraces it in love? There's no price. The child has nothing he can give.

Paul says we were literally working night and day. Now we remember he was a tent maker and when he went to Thessalonica he was there three Sabbaths and presumably a short while longer than that. He was there long enough to sort of set up shop and get some business and do some work in order to support himself and those with him. The church was very poor and he didn't want to put an undue burden on them. He also didn't want people to think that there was a price for the gospel. He earned his own way and he worked night and day because he didn't want to be a burden to anybody.

Now that's a mother. That's why it's so hard sometimes when a woman has been a godly mother and she gets to the point in her older years where she can't support herself, she finds it very difficult to be supported by her children. She finds it very hard to accept that because she has always known that she was fitting the role of never being a burden but always lifting the burden of her children. But it is by God's design that her children be able to meet her need if that time comes.

So Paul said we made the maximum effort to feed our spiritual children. We provided the tenderness, the nourishment, the care so that you wouldn't have to carry the load and we carried it all. That's a mother. And that's how we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. God's gospel. The source is God, the subject is God. The great truth of salvation with all of its implications, we proclaimed it to you without ever being a burden and on our own part we labored hard night and day to keep you receiving the nourishing truth. Hey, it takes long hours to be a mother. It takes great sacrifice to be a mother. It changes your whole life. Paul says that's how it is in spiritual leadership, around the clock care is the picture of a mother and that is part of effective spiritual leadership.

Now the second part...the spiritual leader as a father in verses 10 to 12.

To set the backdrop for this, let me begin by talking generally about what makes a man a man.

What would you say if I were to ask you what is the most basic fundamental virtue of manliness? What is the one trait that evidences distinctive manliness? What is the single quality that is foundational to manhood? That's a fair question. Let's see if we can find an answer.

Please go to 1 Corinthians chapter 16, and look with me at verse 13. Now if you know anything about the Corinthian church, you know that they were a church given over to compromise. They were weak, sinful, compromising, and so forth. So in I Corinthians 16:13 he says something to them that is interesting.

16:13: “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong”. After reminding them to be on the alert and stand firm in the faith, he says, "Act like men." Now let me ask you a question? How are men to act?

Notice the next command in that verse which is explanatory to the previous one, act like men, be strong. The verb there "act like men," means to conduct oneself in a courageous way. How are men to act? With courage and with strength. Put those two words together and you have the old word fortitude. The dictionary says fortitude is courage and strength. They have strength of conviction and they have the courage to stand on it, fortitude. That's how men are to act. Men are to have strength of conviction and courage to stand on it.

Another thing that is true about men is that God created in us a willingness or even a desire or in many cases even the need to take risks. The more manly a man is the more he likes the adventure, the more he loves the risk, the more he seeks the challenge, the more he attacks the difficulty, the more he loves the obstacles. That's a man's man.

God designed men to seek accomplishment. There's something in a man that needs to accomplish. It starts as boy with the youngster standing on top of a rock beating his chest, looking at the world and taking it on as a challenge.

Let’s go back to this point of men are to lead with strength of conviction and courage to stand on those convictions. Men were not designed by God to be weak in their convictions. Men are not to be vaccilating. A real man wants to face life with courage. He believes certain things and he's going to stand on his belief. He has been called by God to achieve certain things and he's going to achieve those things. He's going to be courageous whatever the opposition and he's going to make his move. He's going to do what he believes is right and he's going to pay the price. He's going to make the hard decisions and if he makes a bad first one, he'll make a quick and better second one and he'll adjust. That's a man.

Now, this phrase here in I Corinthians 16:13 doesn't appear anywhere else in the New Testament. So if we want to add a little richness to it we've got to go back to the Old Testament. Let's go all the way back to Deuteronomy chapter 31. Now follow closely because I want to move rapidly but I think you're going to be greatly encouraged by this.

In verse 2 Moses is speaking to Israel reminding them he's 120 years old and he's going to turn the reins over to Joshua. In verses 3-5 Joshua is the one who will cross ahead of you just as the Lord has spoken, and the Lord will deliver up your enemies. Now look what he says, verse 6, “be strong and courageous." There's the same terminology from 1 Corinthians 16. “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Then Moses called to Joshua and said to him in the sight of all Israel, Be strong and courageous."

Down in verse 23 of the same chapter, "Then he commissioned Joshua the son of Nun and said, Be strong and courageous."

What’s he saying here? You want to live for God, observe his will, do what is right? Well, you’re going to get attacked and challenged. When you do, don't waver, but be strong in your convictions and have courage to stand on them.

That's how men act. Act like men. Men are to have strength of conviction and courage to stand on those convictions. They're to be decisive, their leadership is based upon that strength of conviction and courage that will not compromise

1 Kings chapter 2, David came near to the time to die. He gives his charge to Solomon his son? What’s he going to say to his in his last hours? What's most important here. Here's what David said to Solomon. Verses 2&3: "I'm dying, you be strong and show yourself a man and walk with God." That's David's message to his son,be strong in your convictions and have courage to act on them. That’s God’s design.

Let's go back to our text. There was a side of Paul that acted like a mother but there was another side of him that acted like a man, like a father with strength and courage. He didn’t flinch from the risks of life and the challenges that he faced because of his confidence in God.

With all that as a backdrop Paul says in verse 10: “Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblamably we behaved ourselves among you that believe”

Here again he's reminding them of what he said numerous times previously and will say again in verse 11, "I'm calling on your own first-hand knowledge." You saw me, I was there. You were witnesses and so is God. And that reverts back to verses 4 and 5 where he said I live very much aware that God examines my heart and God is my witness. So you know and God knows how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers. That's a father's responsibility. A father's responsibility is to set the standard of integrity in the family.

The first word "holily” has to do with one’s life before God, their duty before God to live devoutly. The word "justly” refers to how a man responds to God’s directives for his life. Doing one’s duty to God and man for the law requires that we deal with God in a certain way and man as well. So he says from the perspective of my relationship to God, I was devout. From the perspective of my relationship to the law which considers God and man, I was just, I was upright. And then he says, "unblamably” or blamelessly. That word refers to one's reputation before men, before God devout, before God and man upright, before man blameless. That is how a father is to live.

So fathering starts with modeling. You model virtue. But it's not just modeling, it's also teaching. Look at verse 11: “As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children”

The word "exhorting" means to come along side, to move someone in a specific line of conduct. The Holy Spirit is called the paraklete, it's the same word, parakaleo, the one who comes alongside to move us in a specific course of conduct. A father is to get alongside his child and move that child in a specific course of conduct. You come alongside and you exhort that child in the path of conduct that you believe is right.

Then he says not only did we do that fatherly task of exhorting, but also of encouraging. Now we move from instruction to motivation. The father's role also is to come alongside, to encourage the emotion and the will to act in that course. Here is the specific course of conduct, I'm moving you in that direction and encouraging you to keep moving because the way is going to be hard. Exhortation says this is the way to walk. Encouragement says I know it's tough but keep doing it.

And then he says there's a third thing I do as a father, which is to charge each one of you. You know what verb that is? Martyreo. It means to bear witness. You say, "What do you mean? A father is supposed to bear witness to his son?" Yeah, you know what he's supposed to say? "Son, daughter, can I tell you something? I'm a personal witness to the fact that if you keep doing that here is what's going to happen. I’ve went that way before and you don’t need to fall into the same hole that I did” Now some use the lame excuse “oh they gotta learn for themselves”. No they don’t. You have a responsibility, you are summoned as a witness to witness to the fact that any deviation from the prescribed course of conduct has serious ramifications. That's the lesson. So you say, "Son, daughter, here's the course of conduct. I know the way is hard but keep doing it. And just to encourage you a little further, if you don't do it, understand that the consequence is severe." And that's where discipline comes in. And you do it with each child, that's the personal touch.

We’re seeing the balance here of Paul embracing his people, treating them with tender compassion, affection, kindness. But on the other hand, he is also saying this is the way you're to live. I encourage you to do it even if it's hard and I'm telling you if you don't do it the consequences are severe. Any father who is worth a dime knows you have to come alongside your children personally and pattern for them the course of conduct. You have to encourage them to be faithful to it when the choices are hard. And then you have to tell them, “look, if you violate it you are going to incur consequences, and here’s what they are”.

So the father gives this enthusiastic affirmation and exhortation to his children and the mother is there for the tender security. You know how that works, you get your son and you give him that impassioned speech and you call him to be courageous and have strong conduct. And a few minutes later you see him in the kitchen and his mom has got her arm around him and he's run for a little balance. That's the way it is.

Verse 12 focuses it down. "That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory”

So, he says...look, you were chosen by God, you responded to God's call, now live in a way that's worthy of it. The end of verse 12 says, "God has called you into His own Kingdom and glory." When you were saved you entered into the Kingdom. You’re now to follow the King, Jesus Christ. Every believer has been called into the Kingdom and there is an element of glory within us. We have the indwelling Spirit of God who is the glory of God. And so the father says that with all God has done for you, don't you think you ought to walk like this? Doesn’t that sound just like a father?

What’s your responsibility dad? You’re to live it and to teach it. You’re to live and teach with strength and courage and the child is to catch both...the example and the lessons. Dad’s, we’re to live boldly by the Word without compromise, we’re to resist the pressure to do as little as possible and instead give our lives to do as much as possible in a great cause. We’re to resist the pleasure to please men and seek to please God. We’re not to sell out our integrity for comfort. God is saying here that men are to live a strong and courageous life. If you hold your convictions without compromise you fulfill the commission of a father. That's your responsibility. That's what a father is supposed to do.

What scripture lays out here for us is leadership by God’s design. We see the contrast between spiritual mothering and spiritual fathering, and the importance of both. On the one hand a focus on what is needed in the moment, and on the other hand a focus on the end. On the one hand an emphasis on nurturing and loving and affirming, and on the other hand an emphasis on living according to God's standards. On the one hand a concern for kindness and affection, on the other hand a concern for control and authority. On the one hand embracing, on the other hand exhorting. On the one hand cherishing, on the other hand challenging. And where there is that balance God will work in a powerful way.

Kids in Church

For whatever reason the Lord has convicted us to keep our kids in church.  We have seen many blessings from it on our end and have come to appreciate keeping them with us.  1.)  Instead of playing, snacks, and stories, they see that worship is singing, listening, and learning from the scriptures.  It involves being reverent and honoring, adoring and teachable.  It has amazed us what they pick up and bring home.  Even as soon as they can talk I've heard such things as, "Did you hear what Pastor said about those Romans?"   2.)  They see us pray together, and when Jeff's not preaching we always hold hand as we pray together.  3.)  They see us tithe.  Jeff is such a humble man he would never boast about what he gives to anyone, but when the children are in church they see him putting something in the plate.  4.)  Our hearts just feel more united as a family when we've shared the same experience, when we can relate or apply certain scripture to our lives that week. 
Now for the hard part, how to make a child sit through church?  That first year is basically in and out, and usually by a prayer do we both get to hear an entire sermon.  I have found it best to prepare a young one to sit still and listen to the bible study at home when Jeff does family devotions.  This way we can disperse discipline as needed and set the standard of what's expected.  I have also found it helpful to not bring any distractions.  No food, books, crayons, or toys.  They drop and cause further distraction and eventually become an issue of control and dispute which is very difficult to handle in church.  They usually find their own amusement by taking off a shoe, pulling up a dress, or picking their nose!

Protecting Your Marriage

On December 16, 2009, Jeff and I were married 20 years!  Every year we get so excited and celebrate, but this is a BIG number!  To us anyway!  I can only imagine how exciting it will be to hit 40 or Lord willing 50!  We have certainly had our share of bumps in the road but what has brought us the most joy is how we've protected our marriage.

It truly blesses my heart to know that Jeff will never be in a closed room alone with another woman.  He will never dine alone with another woman, even if it is for business.  When ever he has to travel for work he always calls every night to talk to me and the kids.  He has always been so careful with other women in that if they seek or need counsel that we will meet with her together, and a conversation would never get too intimate without me involved.  This has and can come across as somewhat rude to other women, they can't understand why he's not more open and talkative, but I certainly appreciate it! 

Society has gotten so used to divorce and broken families that they can even joke about it.  I get shocked when I hear such things about painful, hurtful things that tear up families and destroy the children involved.  This is a serious matter not to be taken lightly.  There is a wonderful book written by Jerry Jenkins called "Hedges, Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect it!" that really opened our eyes to purposely protecting our marriage.

We also pray together!  At home every night we gather as a family to pray, at meal time, and at church he holds my hand in such a sweet, special way, and he squeezes it every so often as he says certain things - I love that!

We date!  Ever since we have been married we have taken time to date.  It was really hard when we added children and needed to get a sitter.  Usually we would take the baby along with us their first year, until they were old enough to be left for a bit.  This got much easier when our oldest child was ready to babysit!  Jeff has always said that we are going to be married a lot longer than we are going to be parents!  So every month and occassionally more if needed, we will spend an evening together.  Whether it's just for a drive, a trip to Wal-mart, dinner or an ice cream cone, it's a joy to have him all to myself!

We say, "I love you!".  Every day our love is expressed verbally.  And he blesses my heart when he talks about his love for me to the children. 

He gives.  He blesses me with cards and flowers, even for no special occassion.  I say 'he' gives, because I don't have a job.  But he gives so generously with everything he has.  He pays attention when I'm out of money or gas and takes care of me so lovingly and thoughtfully!

We serve.  When you have a large family, there is a lot to do!  And being on the same team with the same goals in mind makes things go much smoother.  Whether it's sick kids, or I'm not feeling well, or the fridge and stove need to be pulled out to be cleaned behind, Jeff doesn't begrudge a bit and serves with such a giving heart! 

We talk!  He works at home so this is easy for us and I know it's not normal so I really do appreciate this luxury of having him around!  He pops up every so often or sometimes he will even call me on the phone from downstairs!  On the couch or in our room, his office, the shower, we have lots of time to talk.

We forgive!  This is one of the things that I admire most about Jeff, when he says he forgives, he really forgives.  He will never bring something up again from a past offense.  And he's always so quick to ask forgiveness if needed. 

We kiss!  Every morning.  Every time either of us go anywhere, even if it's just a quick trip to town, we always kiss good bye.  Always!  And every night we kiss goodnight and say, "I love you!".  There's even a few extra thrown in for good measure!  I love my man and am so thankful for him!

1 Corinthians 13

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, [fn] but have not love, it profits me nothing.
Love suffers long [and] is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. But whether [there are] prophecies, they will fail; whether [there are] tongues, they will cease; whether [there is] knowledge, it will vanish away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part.
But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these [is] love.

Keepers At Home

We have tried to show our kids that the greatest joy in life is obeying the scriptures. And if the scriptures say women should be keepers at home, then that's what we should do. Ironically, my OB told me that of all the women seen, the ones who are 'just wives and mothers' are the happiest of all women. The women who have jobs and take their kids to daycare are the ones who are unhappy, stressed and depressed and begging for anti depressant medication.

So we have purposefully tried to train our girls in areas where it would be helpful in being a keeper at home.  Where if they had to make an income they could do it from home.  They can sew, bake/cook, clean, play/teach music, crochet/crafts and make jewelry, and have a love for children and elderly. I'm almost fearful to say this because I in no way want to appear arrogant or prideful, but Megan (my oldest daughter) having a desire to be a wife and mother is one of the best compliments I have ever received! There are just not many girls out there desiring to be a keeper at home, a wife and mother.   She even gets a lot of flack from other Christians of how she should aspire for something greater which I think is very sad. Where are the Titus 2 women in this world?  Why aren't older women teaching younger women how to train their children so it's a joy to be with them all day?  Why isn't anyone stepping along side these young brides and showing them how to truly love their husbands so they can have a happy, fulfilled marriage?  Why are college and careers important if you want to have a family? 

Ever been to the grocery store on a Saturday?  It's full of working mothers and their out of control kids.  Or they have chosen to leave their kids one more day and shop by themselves.  These women are tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with daily life.  The children are lacking in time, attention, correction, manners and guidance.  Nobody is smiling.  Unhappiness and discontent just oozes from them all.  It breaks my heart!

We would not want our girls to work outside the home because of what the Bible says for one, and two, we just have not seen any good fruit come from that. In fact, most cases older girls who leave home to work are quickly swallowed up and devoured by the world. So we have no interest in that. Jeff has done a fantastic job of trying to meet our daughters' needs as well as their wants. They are not spoiled, and have a great appreciation for 2nd hand and the sales, but if one wants or needs material to make a dress for a new baby gift, or make a meal for a new mom, or something special, he's very quick to comply and really feels it's his responsibility to meet her needs until her husband takes over.  It's wonderful to see our daughters so carefree and not weighed down or stressed by such pressures to conform, or pay bills.  This also has helped them to be content with what's provided for her and she knows that her future husband may not have money for things such as material, so we've tried to instill a thankful heart for everything.  Megan does have a job teaching piano lessons, but because she's no need to pay bills, she can use it as a ministry.  She charges a minimal amount and it's a blessing not a burdensome job, and fills a couple of days a week.

For me, it was a huge adjustment from working full time, earning a paycheck to staying home with a new baby that is more demanding than entertaining.  I didn't know how to be content and thankful and had great pressure from the world to have the 'things' others had.  My position was looked down upon and frowned upon, and I was even pitied. At least until our children started to get older, evidence of God in our lives and the fruits of our labors started to show. 

Working outside the home gives a sense of accomplishment and is rewarded with a paycheck that can't compare with staying at home.  It always provides an 'out' when things get tough, instead of a dependence, trust, and appreciation for a husband that reinforces that bond of marriage.  The option is always there, even if far in the back of ones mind that 'if I had to, I could leave and make it on my own'.   But staying at home has rewards and blessings that are no where comparable to any job!

It's Megan's desire as well to stay under the authority and protection of her dad until that prince charming comes along. She has a purity ring with her dad's birthstone in it, which I just love! I can't say that this is something we have really hammered into her brain since she was young, but she has read a lot of really good books on this subject, and just studying the Bible herself.  She has also known a few girls who have made some really bad decisions in their own life.  When issues come up or I'm discipling someone, we walk them through the consequences of worldly decisions.  We try to help them understand the consequences of sin without having to be tempted by it or live through it. 

The hard part in all of this is that it usually comes back to me, how close my walk is to my talk.  My attitude and my desire to serve, and the level of my selfishness is usually noticed by everyone.  I'm very grateful for the joy that God has given me in being just a keeper at home!  Contentment is not common in women, let alone joy, but I have found it in obedience to His Word. 

It's been frustrating to us why churches/women don't encourage women/young ladies to be keepers at home like in Titus 2.   It's very sad and very hard to go against the grain, but we have to do what the Lord leads through His Word and our husbands, as we are only accountable to God and will stand before Him giving account of our own lives. No regrets!

From the Bottom Up!

There are some interesting characteristics that come with the birth order of children.  Some are by God's design and some are created by how a family functions.  Society always puts the older kids first, so at home we try to work it backwards.   It has been our purpose, if we need to call on or ask something of the children, that we always start at the bottom and work our way up.  We try to utilize what we feel is the youngest capable for the job.  They may eventually need help, but it's a delight to see their faces light up when they are asked to do something first!  We have found that this places importance on all the children, matures the younger children, and releives alot of the pressure of being the oldest.   It also allows us to function when the older ones are not around.  I think it forms a pattern for the older kids to think of the younger ones first, try to include them, and work along side of them.  There are plenty of things that older children get to do first, sit up front, use a knife,  drive, etc.  So whether it's a chore, a game, talking on the phone with Dad, or calling them all together, we always try to give everyone a chance to go first, and start from the bottom up!

Working Women

We were in the Emergency room at the hospital for about 8 hours.  Our little 'room' with just a curtain as a door just happened to be right outside the nurses station.  There was a lot of activity going on and Jeff and I found it unavoidable to tune things out, and the volume wouldn't even work on our TV, so we were forced to listen in.  As the curtain was opened I could easily see that the conversations going on were between men and women who were all wearing wedding rings.  It was obvious that they were having fun, enjoying their job, poking fun at each other and talking about their kids and spouses and even other co-workers.  But often times the conversation turned vulgar.  Completely inappropriate.  Things were shared that should only be shared between a husband and wife, yet here it was fair game.  Jeff said something to them that it was very unprofessional to have to hear them all carrying on like they were, but it didn't stop them at all.

I couldn't help to think how many marriages would never crumble if women were keepers at home.  I found myself praying for these strangers that God would protect their marriages, protect the spouse that will never hear part of these conversations, and convict these people that they are crossing a very dangerous line.  More than half of marriages fail in this country, Christian and non-Christian alike.  And most people don't understand that through time spent and conversations had is just an invitation for a very painful path.

Jeff works out of our home, but has occasion where he has to meet with other women.  Sometimes he has come across as even rude, but he will not dine with another woman by himself.  And if he has to meet, they are in a public setting like a lobby.  He does not share private information about his family or allow the conversation to go in any emotional/personal direction.  The book "Hedges:  Loving your marriage enough to protect it!" by Jerry Jenkins was very helpful in developing a standard for the both of us. 

I've been asked several times from friends who have been thinking about going to work, and this is what I have come up with as a response:

First I would have to suggest that you go to God's Word. What does it say about women working? I would come away with that the husband is to lead and the wife is to submit. And women should be keepers at home. Avoid debt. And God will provide food, clothing and shelter, everything we need.

Would your employment put you under the authority of another man?  I personally have a problem with women under the authority of another man, outside the home. I think it feeds an independent spirit, a sense of accomplishment and the reward of a paycheck that gives a sense of gratitude that homemaking just can't match. I also think it crushes the husbands spirit and pride. I think it gives them a sense of failure and embarrassment for not being able to meet his families' needs, for having to send his wife out to work, and now everyone else in the world knows it.  This scab is picked every day as well as the stress, tiredness and bitterness of a working wife.  That's hard, if not down right impossible on a marriage.

Are your children with someone else's standards and values? No matter how much you love a child and no matter whether you're related or not, there is no one better to raise a child than their mom and dad.  Kids are smart and they know if a mom is working to put food on the table or for all the frills in life.  It's amazing what our country has become accustom to along the 'necessity' line.  If I ever had to go to work, outside the home, it would be after we have sold everything, lived under a bridge and needed food.  My kids would know that it was a last resort and my greatest desire is to be a keeper at home.  Nowadays, women are working to have a 2nd car, a fancy car, glamorous vacations, to keep an unaffordable home, pay off a shopping debt, give the kids fabulous birthday parties, the list of fluff could go on forever.  Kids don't care about any of this!  And when they are adults and have to make such decisions for their own family, they will reflect on our example and it will either help or hinder them.  They will eventually know what really was important to us!  And please don't ever be fooled in regards to the quality vs. quantity time spent with children. It's ALL quantity in the eyes of a child. 

Does employment allow you to have fellowship with God every day?  Do you have time to read your Bible?  Pray?  Find and memorize scripture to help in areas needed?  Do you have time to teach such truths to your children?  I've had days where we're gone all day and have to come home to dinner and laundry and something has to give!  It's usually the children that get slighted, and God. 

There are so many options of working from home, but with little kids still in such need of mom it would be very hard and things to watch out for would be stress levels, neglect of kids, time consumed, lack of fruit.  Child care, stuffing envelopes, telephone work, book work, the options are endless.

I know of several friends who's husbands deliver pizza's Friday night, cut wood, or have started a side business in times of need. Their wives are bursting with pride towards their husbands, full of thankfulness that they are willing to do anything to allow them to be home with their children.

I also know women who have no desire to be with their children all day every day.  They don't like being around their children.  And I think it's a vicious cycle where lack of time, attention and training from parents cycles in misbehaving children,  robbing them both of a love to be together.

This time we have as parents is fleeting!  No one is promised tomorrow so we must make the most of today!  An employer will have no recollection of what you gave them 50 years from now.  But your children and your grandchildren will reap what you've sown for all eternity!