Jeff is starting a church in the spring and the past few weeks he has been filling in for our pastor while he is down with surgery. We all get so excited when he preaches! This past Sunday I was going to stay home for not feeling well, and Jeff said, "What? You're not going to church? You have to go! This sermon is about nursing mother's, how many sermons do you hear about nursing mothers?" I laughed and more out of curiosity went to church. How my heart was blessed!
Review
Mother and father
Scripture records Paul saying to the Galatians, "My children, with whom I am again in labor until Christ is formed in you." He was once in labor to give them birth and now he is in labor again to bring them to spiritual maturity. So there he portrays himself as a mother.
In 1 Corinthians 4:15 he says, "For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ yet you would not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father." So there he portrays himself as a father. So these are familiar metaphors for spiritual leadership.
Let me reduce it to a simple concept. A mother illustrates gentle care and a father illustrates strong authority. The tenderness and gentleness of motherly care, the strength and courage and leadership of fatherly care are the balance to spiritual leadership.
2:7: “But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children
Verse 7 begins with a very important word, "but" It's been used already three times in this brief chapter. It's a series of not this but this, not this but this, not this but this. It's used as what we call an adversative...it flips it over, not this but on the other hand this. What is he saying? Far from being a greedy self motivated flatterer, given over to control or manipulation or abuse, rather than that, verse 7, we prove to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. "Among you" talks about the fact that he was really involved with his people. We were in the midst of you gentle. Gentle is a beautiful word, epios, used here and in 2 Timothy 2:24 only in the New Testament. It simply means to be kind to someone. And Paul says as we moved among you we were kind to you. We didn't come to abuse you. We didn't come to take from you. We didn't come to exploit you. We didn't come to manipulate you. We moved among you with kindness. This is the spiritual leader caring for his people, being concerned about their well being, sensitive to their personal needs. It implies acceptance of all of them. It implies respect. It implies compassion. It implies tolerance of imperfections. It implies patience. It implies tender heartedness. It implies loyalty. We weren't abusive or domineering over you. We were gentle. We were kind to you.
How gentle? I love the metaphor he selects. "We proved to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children." The term here definitely refers to a nursing mother because of the phrase "her own children." He says we were to you as a nursing mother tenderly caring for her own children. And the metaphor is perfect. He picks out the most tender of all human relationship. There is none to match it. There is no human relationship that is as tender and as gentle as a nursing mother and her infant child. There's no authority in that metaphor. The mother doesn't nurse her baby with authority or dominance. There's no prominence on her part, no seeking of honor. There is only the simple giving of life. The nursing mother is a love that spares nothing. It illustrates the personal care that Paul gave to the church.
The verb "cherish" literally means to warm with body heat. How graphic as the mother takes the bay in her arms and warms the little life with her own body heat and passes on her life to that life. The intimacy of that, the beauty of that, the tenderness of that has no equal. So Paul says in verse 6, "Look, we could have asserted our authority. We might have come in and just laid responsibility down on you We could have been nothing more than a father but we weren't.. But our ministry wasn't just that. In contrast, we proved to be as gentle with you as a nursing mother tenderly caring for her own children." So Paul says in spite of our legitimate claim to apostolic authority, we used another approach, and we balanced our authority with tenderness.
2:8: So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us”
So now we're going deeper into this metaphor. The word "so" is the connector. “So” means as a nursing mother and thus he extends the metaphor into verse 8, where he says “being affectionately desirous of you”. Certainly this is true of a mother and her baby. A mother with a little child in her arms has a tremendous affection. That's normal and natural and God-given. And that's what motivates her gentle care. And as every mother knows there's no applause for this, there are no laurels, there are no awards for mothering. All you get is crying babies, dirty diapers, sleepless nights, runny noses. It's hard, consistent, endless watchful care.
The wording “affectionately desirous” means to long for someone. In fact, we find it on some grave inscriptions where it describes a parents' sad longing for a dead baby, a child gone from their life. It indicates a deep affection that winds up as a passionate longing.
That longing is what makes that mother want that little life in her arms. That's the way God designed it. And Paul is saying that's a picture of a spiritual leader's responsibility to have a longing for a tender relationship with his people, a yearning, a motherly compulsion. That should be in the heart of the spiritual leader. And Paul says it was, verse 8, so we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our lives. When we came to you it wasn't just duty or responsibility, it was with genuine care. We had a fond affection for you so we were “willing”. That term "willing" means we were eager, we were zealous. You weren’t a burden, you were a joy. In fact, in verse 20 of this chapter he says you are our glory and joy.
And so he says, "We were willing, we were pleased, to impart to you not only the gospel of God," stop at that point. First he imparted the gospel of God. The word "impart" means to share. And the verb carries the idea of giving someone something of which you retain a part. And that's exactly what happens when you give someone the gospel, right? You give them the gospel but even though you've given it to them, you still possess it. That's why we say we share our faith. We give it away and yet we keep it and so there's a bond there. So Paul is saying...Look, we had a fond affection for you and consequently we were well pleased to share with you the gospel of God.
And I think when he's talking about the gospel of God he goes beyond justification to embrace sanctification, their maturing as believers. So he is saying not only did I share with you that which saved you but I also gave you that which sanctifies you in that gospel. But it's more than that. He says we were pleased to give you that but not only that but also our own lives, our own psuche, our own soul. That means the totality of our earthly existence. I literally give up my life for you. That's what he's saying. And that's what a mother does. A mother who is faithful to being what a mother ought to be, she sets aside her life for the life of her baby. She is sacrificial. She is unselfish. She is generous. That baby’s life dominates her life. You can't have a baby and go on living your own life and fulfill God's intention for a mother. That baby consumes your life. You're there to feed it, to love it, to change it, to put it to sleep, to wake it up, to dress it, to care for its every need. That's what God intended.
Gladly does a mom give her life for her child. And so Paul says like a mother we were well pleased to give you not only the truth we gave you our lives. Not only were we like a nursing mother pulling you close and giving you the life- saving milk of the Word, but we also would give you our lives, time, energy, everything.
Why? Why does a mother do this? The end of verse 8, the same reason a spiritual leader does it, because you had become very dear to us...beloved is the word. That's the essence of a mother's love...a strong compelling sense of the preciousness of the child. You were dear to us. You were of value. You were worthy. You were priceless to me. No way could I shuffle you off. No way could I treat you with indifference. There is a strong affection. There is a longing that fills my heart for you, not out of duty but because you were dear to me. That has to mark spiritual leaders.
2:9 “For ye remember, brethren, our labor and travail: for laboring night and day, because we would not be chargeable unto any of you, we preached unto you the gospel of God
The metaphor then extends then into verse 9, because the word "for" carries us through into transition, leading us out of the analogy of verses 7 and 8 into the application here in verse 9, "For you recall, brethren," and here's another mother metaphor, "our labor and hardship, how working night and day so as not to be a burden to any of you we proclaimed to you the gospel of God." That’s a mom, working, laboring night and day, providing for her children so that she is no burden for them.
You recall, don't you, how it was when we were there with you? You know what our attitude and conduct was. Listen, if anybody tells you that we came to take and not to give, just think back and remember? Were we aiming at wealth? Were we aiming at power or prestige or popularity? Were we aiming to take advantage of anyone? You recall, you know, that we weren’t. As he says in 2 Corinthians “We were poor making many rich spiritually." You recall, don't you, our labor, our hardship? We weren't takers, we were givers.
It was always sacrifice for Paul and Silas and Timothy. It was always a life-giving kind of ministry. That's the picture of a mother.
What can a newborn child give a mother? Absolutely nothing. What price can a child pay for a nursing mother? What price can a child pay for deep affection? What price can a child pay for the longing of a mother's heart that lifts it up and embraces it in love? There's no price. The child has nothing he can give.
Paul says we were literally working night and day. Now we remember he was a tent maker and when he went to Thessalonica he was there three Sabbaths and presumably a short while longer than that. He was there long enough to sort of set up shop and get some business and do some work in order to support himself and those with him. The church was very poor and he didn't want to put an undue burden on them. He also didn't want people to think that there was a price for the gospel. He earned his own way and he worked night and day because he didn't want to be a burden to anybody.
Now that's a mother. That's why it's so hard sometimes when a woman has been a godly mother and she gets to the point in her older years where she can't support herself, she finds it very difficult to be supported by her children. She finds it very hard to accept that because she has always known that she was fitting the role of never being a burden but always lifting the burden of her children. But it is by God's design that her children be able to meet her need if that time comes.
So Paul said we made the maximum effort to feed our spiritual children. We provided the tenderness, the nourishment, the care so that you wouldn't have to carry the load and we carried it all. That's a mother. And that's how we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. God's gospel. The source is God, the subject is God. The great truth of salvation with all of its implications, we proclaimed it to you without ever being a burden and on our own part we labored hard night and day to keep you receiving the nourishing truth. Hey, it takes long hours to be a mother. It takes great sacrifice to be a mother. It changes your whole life. Paul says that's how it is in spiritual leadership, around the clock care is the picture of a mother and that is part of effective spiritual leadership.
Now the second part...the spiritual leader as a father in verses 10 to 12.
To set the backdrop for this, let me begin by talking generally about what makes a man a man.
What would you say if I were to ask you what is the most basic fundamental virtue of manliness? What is the one trait that evidences distinctive manliness? What is the single quality that is foundational to manhood? That's a fair question. Let's see if we can find an answer.
Please go to 1 Corinthians chapter 16, and look with me at verse 13. Now if you know anything about the Corinthian church, you know that they were a church given over to compromise. They were weak, sinful, compromising, and so forth. So in I Corinthians 16:13 he says something to them that is interesting.
16:13: “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong”. After reminding them to be on the alert and stand firm in the faith, he says, "Act like men." Now let me ask you a question? How are men to act?
Notice the next command in that verse which is explanatory to the previous one, act like men, be strong. The verb there "act like men," means to conduct oneself in a courageous way. How are men to act? With courage and with strength. Put those two words together and you have the old word fortitude. The dictionary says fortitude is courage and strength. They have strength of conviction and they have the courage to stand on it, fortitude. That's how men are to act. Men are to have strength of conviction and courage to stand on it.
Another thing that is true about men is that God created in us a willingness or even a desire or in many cases even the need to take risks. The more manly a man is the more he likes the adventure, the more he loves the risk, the more he seeks the challenge, the more he attacks the difficulty, the more he loves the obstacles. That's a man's man.
God designed men to seek accomplishment. There's something in a man that needs to accomplish. It starts as boy with the youngster standing on top of a rock beating his chest, looking at the world and taking it on as a challenge.
Let’s go back to this point of men are to lead with strength of conviction and courage to stand on those convictions. Men were not designed by God to be weak in their convictions. Men are not to be vaccilating. A real man wants to face life with courage. He believes certain things and he's going to stand on his belief. He has been called by God to achieve certain things and he's going to achieve those things. He's going to be courageous whatever the opposition and he's going to make his move. He's going to do what he believes is right and he's going to pay the price. He's going to make the hard decisions and if he makes a bad first one, he'll make a quick and better second one and he'll adjust. That's a man.
Now, this phrase here in I Corinthians 16:13 doesn't appear anywhere else in the New Testament. So if we want to add a little richness to it we've got to go back to the Old Testament. Let's go all the way back to Deuteronomy chapter 31. Now follow closely because I want to move rapidly but I think you're going to be greatly encouraged by this.
In verse 2 Moses is speaking to Israel reminding them he's 120 years old and he's going to turn the reins over to Joshua. In verses 3-5 Joshua is the one who will cross ahead of you just as the Lord has spoken, and the Lord will deliver up your enemies. Now look what he says, verse 6, “be strong and courageous." There's the same terminology from 1 Corinthians 16. “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Then Moses called to Joshua and said to him in the sight of all Israel, Be strong and courageous."
Down in verse 23 of the same chapter, "Then he commissioned Joshua the son of Nun and said, Be strong and courageous."
What’s he saying here? You want to live for God, observe his will, do what is right? Well, you’re going to get attacked and challenged. When you do, don't waver, but be strong in your convictions and have courage to stand on them.
That's how men act. Act like men. Men are to have strength of conviction and courage to stand on those convictions. They're to be decisive, their leadership is based upon that strength of conviction and courage that will not compromise
1 Kings chapter 2, David came near to the time to die. He gives his charge to Solomon his son? What’s he going to say to his in his last hours? What's most important here. Here's what David said to Solomon. Verses 2&3: "I'm dying, you be strong and show yourself a man and walk with God." That's David's message to his son,be strong in your convictions and have courage to act on them. That’s God’s design.
Let's go back to our text. There was a side of Paul that acted like a mother but there was another side of him that acted like a man, like a father with strength and courage. He didn’t flinch from the risks of life and the challenges that he faced because of his confidence in God.
With all that as a backdrop Paul says in verse 10: “Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblamably we behaved ourselves among you that believe”
Here again he's reminding them of what he said numerous times previously and will say again in verse 11, "I'm calling on your own first-hand knowledge." You saw me, I was there. You were witnesses and so is God. And that reverts back to verses 4 and 5 where he said I live very much aware that God examines my heart and God is my witness. So you know and God knows how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers. That's a father's responsibility. A father's responsibility is to set the standard of integrity in the family.
The first word "holily” has to do with one’s life before God, their duty before God to live devoutly. The word "justly” refers to how a man responds to God’s directives for his life. Doing one’s duty to God and man for the law requires that we deal with God in a certain way and man as well. So he says from the perspective of my relationship to God, I was devout. From the perspective of my relationship to the law which considers God and man, I was just, I was upright. And then he says, "unblamably” or blamelessly. That word refers to one's reputation before men, before God devout, before God and man upright, before man blameless. That is how a father is to live.
So fathering starts with modeling. You model virtue. But it's not just modeling, it's also teaching. Look at verse 11: “As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children”
The word "exhorting" means to come along side, to move someone in a specific line of conduct. The Holy Spirit is called the paraklete, it's the same word, parakaleo, the one who comes alongside to move us in a specific course of conduct. A father is to get alongside his child and move that child in a specific course of conduct. You come alongside and you exhort that child in the path of conduct that you believe is right.
Then he says not only did we do that fatherly task of exhorting, but also of encouraging. Now we move from instruction to motivation. The father's role also is to come alongside, to encourage the emotion and the will to act in that course. Here is the specific course of conduct, I'm moving you in that direction and encouraging you to keep moving because the way is going to be hard. Exhortation says this is the way to walk. Encouragement says I know it's tough but keep doing it.
And then he says there's a third thing I do as a father, which is to charge each one of you. You know what verb that is? Martyreo. It means to bear witness. You say, "What do you mean? A father is supposed to bear witness to his son?" Yeah, you know what he's supposed to say? "Son, daughter, can I tell you something? I'm a personal witness to the fact that if you keep doing that here is what's going to happen. I’ve went that way before and you don’t need to fall into the same hole that I did” Now some use the lame excuse “oh they gotta learn for themselves”. No they don’t. You have a responsibility, you are summoned as a witness to witness to the fact that any deviation from the prescribed course of conduct has serious ramifications. That's the lesson. So you say, "Son, daughter, here's the course of conduct. I know the way is hard but keep doing it. And just to encourage you a little further, if you don't do it, understand that the consequence is severe." And that's where discipline comes in. And you do it with each child, that's the personal touch.
We’re seeing the balance here of Paul embracing his people, treating them with tender compassion, affection, kindness. But on the other hand, he is also saying this is the way you're to live. I encourage you to do it even if it's hard and I'm telling you if you don't do it the consequences are severe. Any father who is worth a dime knows you have to come alongside your children personally and pattern for them the course of conduct. You have to encourage them to be faithful to it when the choices are hard. And then you have to tell them, “look, if you violate it you are going to incur consequences, and here’s what they are”.
So the father gives this enthusiastic affirmation and exhortation to his children and the mother is there for the tender security. You know how that works, you get your son and you give him that impassioned speech and you call him to be courageous and have strong conduct. And a few minutes later you see him in the kitchen and his mom has got her arm around him and he's run for a little balance. That's the way it is.
Verse 12 focuses it down. "That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory”
So, he says...look, you were chosen by God, you responded to God's call, now live in a way that's worthy of it. The end of verse 12 says, "God has called you into His own Kingdom and glory." When you were saved you entered into the Kingdom. You’re now to follow the King, Jesus Christ. Every believer has been called into the Kingdom and there is an element of glory within us. We have the indwelling Spirit of God who is the glory of God. And so the father says that with all God has done for you, don't you think you ought to walk like this? Doesn’t that sound just like a father?
What’s your responsibility dad? You’re to live it and to teach it. You’re to live and teach with strength and courage and the child is to catch both...the example and the lessons. Dad’s, we’re to live boldly by the Word without compromise, we’re to resist the pressure to do as little as possible and instead give our lives to do as much as possible in a great cause. We’re to resist the pleasure to please men and seek to please God. We’re not to sell out our integrity for comfort. God is saying here that men are to live a strong and courageous life. If you hold your convictions without compromise you fulfill the commission of a father. That's your responsibility. That's what a father is supposed to do.
What scripture lays out here for us is leadership by God’s design. We see the contrast between spiritual mothering and spiritual fathering, and the importance of both. On the one hand a focus on what is needed in the moment, and on the other hand a focus on the end. On the one hand an emphasis on nurturing and loving and affirming, and on the other hand an emphasis on living according to God's standards. On the one hand a concern for kindness and affection, on the other hand a concern for control and authority. On the one hand embracing, on the other hand exhorting. On the one hand cherishing, on the other hand challenging. And where there is that balance God will work in a powerful way.
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