Working Women

We were in the Emergency room at the hospital for about 8 hours.  Our little 'room' with just a curtain as a door just happened to be right outside the nurses station.  There was a lot of activity going on and Jeff and I found it unavoidable to tune things out, and the volume wouldn't even work on our TV, so we were forced to listen in.  As the curtain was opened I could easily see that the conversations going on were between men and women who were all wearing wedding rings.  It was obvious that they were having fun, enjoying their job, poking fun at each other and talking about their kids and spouses and even other co-workers.  But often times the conversation turned vulgar.  Completely inappropriate.  Things were shared that should only be shared between a husband and wife, yet here it was fair game.  Jeff said something to them that it was very unprofessional to have to hear them all carrying on like they were, but it didn't stop them at all.

I couldn't help to think how many marriages would never crumble if women were keepers at home.  I found myself praying for these strangers that God would protect their marriages, protect the spouse that will never hear part of these conversations, and convict these people that they are crossing a very dangerous line.  More than half of marriages fail in this country, Christian and non-Christian alike.  And most people don't understand that through time spent and conversations had is just an invitation for a very painful path.

Jeff works out of our home, but has occasion where he has to meet with other women.  Sometimes he has come across as even rude, but he will not dine with another woman by himself.  And if he has to meet, they are in a public setting like a lobby.  He does not share private information about his family or allow the conversation to go in any emotional/personal direction.  The book "Hedges:  Loving your marriage enough to protect it!" by Jerry Jenkins was very helpful in developing a standard for the both of us. 

I've been asked several times from friends who have been thinking about going to work, and this is what I have come up with as a response:

First I would have to suggest that you go to God's Word. What does it say about women working? I would come away with that the husband is to lead and the wife is to submit. And women should be keepers at home. Avoid debt. And God will provide food, clothing and shelter, everything we need.

Would your employment put you under the authority of another man?  I personally have a problem with women under the authority of another man, outside the home. I think it feeds an independent spirit, a sense of accomplishment and the reward of a paycheck that gives a sense of gratitude that homemaking just can't match. I also think it crushes the husbands spirit and pride. I think it gives them a sense of failure and embarrassment for not being able to meet his families' needs, for having to send his wife out to work, and now everyone else in the world knows it.  This scab is picked every day as well as the stress, tiredness and bitterness of a working wife.  That's hard, if not down right impossible on a marriage.

Are your children with someone else's standards and values? No matter how much you love a child and no matter whether you're related or not, there is no one better to raise a child than their mom and dad.  Kids are smart and they know if a mom is working to put food on the table or for all the frills in life.  It's amazing what our country has become accustom to along the 'necessity' line.  If I ever had to go to work, outside the home, it would be after we have sold everything, lived under a bridge and needed food.  My kids would know that it was a last resort and my greatest desire is to be a keeper at home.  Nowadays, women are working to have a 2nd car, a fancy car, glamorous vacations, to keep an unaffordable home, pay off a shopping debt, give the kids fabulous birthday parties, the list of fluff could go on forever.  Kids don't care about any of this!  And when they are adults and have to make such decisions for their own family, they will reflect on our example and it will either help or hinder them.  They will eventually know what really was important to us!  And please don't ever be fooled in regards to the quality vs. quantity time spent with children. It's ALL quantity in the eyes of a child. 

Does employment allow you to have fellowship with God every day?  Do you have time to read your Bible?  Pray?  Find and memorize scripture to help in areas needed?  Do you have time to teach such truths to your children?  I've had days where we're gone all day and have to come home to dinner and laundry and something has to give!  It's usually the children that get slighted, and God. 

There are so many options of working from home, but with little kids still in such need of mom it would be very hard and things to watch out for would be stress levels, neglect of kids, time consumed, lack of fruit.  Child care, stuffing envelopes, telephone work, book work, the options are endless.

I know of several friends who's husbands deliver pizza's Friday night, cut wood, or have started a side business in times of need. Their wives are bursting with pride towards their husbands, full of thankfulness that they are willing to do anything to allow them to be home with their children.

I also know women who have no desire to be with their children all day every day.  They don't like being around their children.  And I think it's a vicious cycle where lack of time, attention and training from parents cycles in misbehaving children,  robbing them both of a love to be together.

This time we have as parents is fleeting!  No one is promised tomorrow so we must make the most of today!  An employer will have no recollection of what you gave them 50 years from now.  But your children and your grandchildren will reap what you've sown for all eternity!