Keepers At Home

We have tried to show our kids that the greatest joy in life is obeying the scriptures. And if the scriptures say women should be keepers at home, then that's what we should do. Ironically, my OB told me that of all the women seen, the ones who are 'just wives and mothers' are the happiest of all women. The women who have jobs and take their kids to daycare are the ones who are unhappy, stressed and depressed and begging for anti depressant medication.

So we have purposefully tried to train our girls in areas where it would be helpful in being a keeper at home.  Where if they had to make an income they could do it from home.  They can sew, bake/cook, clean, play/teach music, crochet/crafts and make jewelry, and have a love for children and elderly. I'm almost fearful to say this because I in no way want to appear arrogant or prideful, but Megan (my oldest daughter) having a desire to be a wife and mother is one of the best compliments I have ever received! There are just not many girls out there desiring to be a keeper at home, a wife and mother.   She even gets a lot of flack from other Christians of how she should aspire for something greater which I think is very sad. Where are the Titus 2 women in this world?  Why aren't older women teaching younger women how to train their children so it's a joy to be with them all day?  Why isn't anyone stepping along side these young brides and showing them how to truly love their husbands so they can have a happy, fulfilled marriage?  Why are college and careers important if you want to have a family? 

Ever been to the grocery store on a Saturday?  It's full of working mothers and their out of control kids.  Or they have chosen to leave their kids one more day and shop by themselves.  These women are tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with daily life.  The children are lacking in time, attention, correction, manners and guidance.  Nobody is smiling.  Unhappiness and discontent just oozes from them all.  It breaks my heart!

We would not want our girls to work outside the home because of what the Bible says for one, and two, we just have not seen any good fruit come from that. In fact, most cases older girls who leave home to work are quickly swallowed up and devoured by the world. So we have no interest in that. Jeff has done a fantastic job of trying to meet our daughters' needs as well as their wants. They are not spoiled, and have a great appreciation for 2nd hand and the sales, but if one wants or needs material to make a dress for a new baby gift, or make a meal for a new mom, or something special, he's very quick to comply and really feels it's his responsibility to meet her needs until her husband takes over.  It's wonderful to see our daughters so carefree and not weighed down or stressed by such pressures to conform, or pay bills.  This also has helped them to be content with what's provided for her and she knows that her future husband may not have money for things such as material, so we've tried to instill a thankful heart for everything.  Megan does have a job teaching piano lessons, but because she's no need to pay bills, she can use it as a ministry.  She charges a minimal amount and it's a blessing not a burdensome job, and fills a couple of days a week.

For me, it was a huge adjustment from working full time, earning a paycheck to staying home with a new baby that is more demanding than entertaining.  I didn't know how to be content and thankful and had great pressure from the world to have the 'things' others had.  My position was looked down upon and frowned upon, and I was even pitied. At least until our children started to get older, evidence of God in our lives and the fruits of our labors started to show. 

Working outside the home gives a sense of accomplishment and is rewarded with a paycheck that can't compare with staying at home.  It always provides an 'out' when things get tough, instead of a dependence, trust, and appreciation for a husband that reinforces that bond of marriage.  The option is always there, even if far in the back of ones mind that 'if I had to, I could leave and make it on my own'.   But staying at home has rewards and blessings that are no where comparable to any job!

It's Megan's desire as well to stay under the authority and protection of her dad until that prince charming comes along. She has a purity ring with her dad's birthstone in it, which I just love! I can't say that this is something we have really hammered into her brain since she was young, but she has read a lot of really good books on this subject, and just studying the Bible herself.  She has also known a few girls who have made some really bad decisions in their own life.  When issues come up or I'm discipling someone, we walk them through the consequences of worldly decisions.  We try to help them understand the consequences of sin without having to be tempted by it or live through it. 

The hard part in all of this is that it usually comes back to me, how close my walk is to my talk.  My attitude and my desire to serve, and the level of my selfishness is usually noticed by everyone.  I'm very grateful for the joy that God has given me in being just a keeper at home!  Contentment is not common in women, let alone joy, but I have found it in obedience to His Word. 

It's been frustrating to us why churches/women don't encourage women/young ladies to be keepers at home like in Titus 2.   It's very sad and very hard to go against the grain, but we have to do what the Lord leads through His Word and our husbands, as we are only accountable to God and will stand before Him giving account of our own lives. No regrets!

From the Bottom Up!

There are some interesting characteristics that come with the birth order of children.  Some are by God's design and some are created by how a family functions.  Society always puts the older kids first, so at home we try to work it backwards.   It has been our purpose, if we need to call on or ask something of the children, that we always start at the bottom and work our way up.  We try to utilize what we feel is the youngest capable for the job.  They may eventually need help, but it's a delight to see their faces light up when they are asked to do something first!  We have found that this places importance on all the children, matures the younger children, and releives alot of the pressure of being the oldest.   It also allows us to function when the older ones are not around.  I think it forms a pattern for the older kids to think of the younger ones first, try to include them, and work along side of them.  There are plenty of things that older children get to do first, sit up front, use a knife,  drive, etc.  So whether it's a chore, a game, talking on the phone with Dad, or calling them all together, we always try to give everyone a chance to go first, and start from the bottom up!

Working Women

We were in the Emergency room at the hospital for about 8 hours.  Our little 'room' with just a curtain as a door just happened to be right outside the nurses station.  There was a lot of activity going on and Jeff and I found it unavoidable to tune things out, and the volume wouldn't even work on our TV, so we were forced to listen in.  As the curtain was opened I could easily see that the conversations going on were between men and women who were all wearing wedding rings.  It was obvious that they were having fun, enjoying their job, poking fun at each other and talking about their kids and spouses and even other co-workers.  But often times the conversation turned vulgar.  Completely inappropriate.  Things were shared that should only be shared between a husband and wife, yet here it was fair game.  Jeff said something to them that it was very unprofessional to have to hear them all carrying on like they were, but it didn't stop them at all.

I couldn't help to think how many marriages would never crumble if women were keepers at home.  I found myself praying for these strangers that God would protect their marriages, protect the spouse that will never hear part of these conversations, and convict these people that they are crossing a very dangerous line.  More than half of marriages fail in this country, Christian and non-Christian alike.  And most people don't understand that through time spent and conversations had is just an invitation for a very painful path.

Jeff works out of our home, but has occasion where he has to meet with other women.  Sometimes he has come across as even rude, but he will not dine with another woman by himself.  And if he has to meet, they are in a public setting like a lobby.  He does not share private information about his family or allow the conversation to go in any emotional/personal direction.  The book "Hedges:  Loving your marriage enough to protect it!" by Jerry Jenkins was very helpful in developing a standard for the both of us. 

I've been asked several times from friends who have been thinking about going to work, and this is what I have come up with as a response:

First I would have to suggest that you go to God's Word. What does it say about women working? I would come away with that the husband is to lead and the wife is to submit. And women should be keepers at home. Avoid debt. And God will provide food, clothing and shelter, everything we need.

Would your employment put you under the authority of another man?  I personally have a problem with women under the authority of another man, outside the home. I think it feeds an independent spirit, a sense of accomplishment and the reward of a paycheck that gives a sense of gratitude that homemaking just can't match. I also think it crushes the husbands spirit and pride. I think it gives them a sense of failure and embarrassment for not being able to meet his families' needs, for having to send his wife out to work, and now everyone else in the world knows it.  This scab is picked every day as well as the stress, tiredness and bitterness of a working wife.  That's hard, if not down right impossible on a marriage.

Are your children with someone else's standards and values? No matter how much you love a child and no matter whether you're related or not, there is no one better to raise a child than their mom and dad.  Kids are smart and they know if a mom is working to put food on the table or for all the frills in life.  It's amazing what our country has become accustom to along the 'necessity' line.  If I ever had to go to work, outside the home, it would be after we have sold everything, lived under a bridge and needed food.  My kids would know that it was a last resort and my greatest desire is to be a keeper at home.  Nowadays, women are working to have a 2nd car, a fancy car, glamorous vacations, to keep an unaffordable home, pay off a shopping debt, give the kids fabulous birthday parties, the list of fluff could go on forever.  Kids don't care about any of this!  And when they are adults and have to make such decisions for their own family, they will reflect on our example and it will either help or hinder them.  They will eventually know what really was important to us!  And please don't ever be fooled in regards to the quality vs. quantity time spent with children. It's ALL quantity in the eyes of a child. 

Does employment allow you to have fellowship with God every day?  Do you have time to read your Bible?  Pray?  Find and memorize scripture to help in areas needed?  Do you have time to teach such truths to your children?  I've had days where we're gone all day and have to come home to dinner and laundry and something has to give!  It's usually the children that get slighted, and God. 

There are so many options of working from home, but with little kids still in such need of mom it would be very hard and things to watch out for would be stress levels, neglect of kids, time consumed, lack of fruit.  Child care, stuffing envelopes, telephone work, book work, the options are endless.

I know of several friends who's husbands deliver pizza's Friday night, cut wood, or have started a side business in times of need. Their wives are bursting with pride towards their husbands, full of thankfulness that they are willing to do anything to allow them to be home with their children.

I also know women who have no desire to be with their children all day every day.  They don't like being around their children.  And I think it's a vicious cycle where lack of time, attention and training from parents cycles in misbehaving children,  robbing them both of a love to be together.

This time we have as parents is fleeting!  No one is promised tomorrow so we must make the most of today!  An employer will have no recollection of what you gave them 50 years from now.  But your children and your grandchildren will reap what you've sown for all eternity!