Gospel

I have had the privilege to do some public speaking.  I get so excited to talk about Jesus, but I don't know that I will ever be comfortable in front of a crowd.  But I like talking about Jesus more so I keep saying yes!


So, to start off we have to begin with the most important.  And that’s the gospel.  Without it our time is a waste.  So, if you hear anything this weekend hear this:

Do you understand the difference between God’s law and God’s gospel? The law is God’s word of demand. It tells us what is required, what has to be done. The gospel is God’s word of deliverance, telling us what God has done.

This may seem like a topic that would only interest a theologian. But in actuality much of the confusion regarding the human condition, God’s grace, and so on, is due to our failure to properly distinguish between the law and the gospel. 

Martin Luther wrote that, “Virtually the whole of the scriptures and the entire Christian life depend upon the true understanding of the law and the gospel.”

Now God’s law and God’s gospel both come from God, which means both are good. But they do very different things. 

Serious confusion happens when we fail to understand their responsibilities, as we will wrongly depend on the law to do what only the gospel can do, and vice versa. 

The law pronounces us all guilty before God. The gospel announces God’s gift of righteousness through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

The law is unyielding. It commands but doesn’t give. The law says, “Do!” The gospel says, “Done!” If we are to experience the unconditional freedom that Jesus paid so dearly to secure for us, we must have a clear understanding of this crucial distinction.

What is the law we are referring to?  The 10 commandments.  Some religions will teach that these are attainable.  That in our human form we can live up to these God given standards.  

But in Galatians 3:24 we see that God, in His pure holiness, has set them as the standard, to show us just how far we fall short.  Gal. 3:24 So then, the law was our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith.

And then, in Matthew 22:36-40 When Jesus was asked by the Pharisees, "Teacher which is the great commandment in the Law?"  Jesus answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.  And the second is like it:  You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  On these two commandments depend all the Law of the Prophets."

So that's the standard of just one of the commandments. It's God’s law. To love God with all your heart, soul and mind, fully and completely, AND love your neighbor as yourself. All the time.  Without wavering.  

Any law breakers here?

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

It's hard to see the sinful side of a new born baby.  They look so perfect, so sweet and adorable!  It's easy to compliment God's goodness and His amazing handiwork.  But in the first few years of life sin becomes exposed.  If you don't believe me then you need to start serving in the church nursery!

Sin is carried through DNA, through the seed of Adam.  We sin because we are born sinners, we're not sinners because we all of a sudden, we decide to sin. 

Robert Murray McCheyne says it this way, “The seed of every sin known to man is in my heart”

That is why in the lineage of Jesus, for him to be fully God and fully human, Jesus could not have Joseph as his father.  Or any human father.  He needed to be born of a virgin, otherwise the sinful seed of Adam would have been passed through His DNA preventing Him to be the sinless Savior. 

Preventing Him to be the just payment of our sin.

We humans cannot avoid sin, it's bred in all of us.  No matter how hard we try to keep the law, we can't.

And by Gods perfect design because He is holy there has to be payment for our sin. Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. We get paid for our sin.

For society to function we need laws. Can you imagine society without any traffic laws? Would everyone be esteeming others better than themselves? Would traffic run smoothly in Chicago or Detroit? So laws need to be put into place.  And because we are sinners we break them.

Simply by telling us what we can and cannot do won’t ever change our heart and make us want to comply. Anyone notice the speed limit signs?  Anyone guilty of speeding? Just a little bit? Ever? That’s a law breaker. 

So, let's say one gets a ticket for speeding. I mean, hypothetically of course.  Notice how guilt is manifested only when you’re caught.  

I mean, when I’m in a hurry to get somewhere, when I’ve arrived, I don’t immediately repent for going 5 over.  I feel like I really got away with something!

We forget that God sees everything.  

While this speeding ticket, this consequence for sin may produce sorrow, and a hit financially, it does not have the power to remove sin. 

Even if there is payment for the offense, documented in the form of a ticket and a check, to cancel each other out, it doesn't remove it from the record.  It doesn’t just go away.

Especially if you have any children in the car!  They will imitate Olympic champion Usain Bolt to be the first to go tell Dad.

In other words, the law can crush but it cannot cure. If we don't follow up with the gospel, we are left without hope – defeated but not delivered.

The law illuminates’ sin but is powerless to eliminate sin. It points to righteousness but can’t produce it. The law shows us what godliness is, but it cannot make us godly.

Knowledge of the law does not provide you the ability to keep it. Matter of fact, it’s just the opposite. Romans chapter 7 explains that the law not only identifies sin, but it also stirs up the power of sin. You see a wet paint sign and what does it make everyone want to do?

The law can only make demands. It tells you what you must do, but it has no power to redeem you from its demands 

Galatians 3:12-14  But the law is not of faith, rather “The one who does them shall live by them.”  Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us – for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree” – so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith. 

The law speaks to your works, always showing that even the best of your works are tainted with the fingerprints of your sin and insufficient for salvation.  It’s like trying to clean a white shirt with dirty hands, we just make it worse.

Isaiah 64:6 We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.  I love the King James version here:  But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness’s are as filthy rags; 

There is absolutely nothing in us that has the power to save.  

Regardless of how sanctified you think you’re becoming or how much progress you think you’ve made since you first became a believer, when God’s perfect law becomes the standard and not “how much I’ve improved over the years”, you’ll realize that you’re a lot worse than you imagined. 

Whatever you think your greatest vice is, God’s law shows you that your situation is much graver. Jesus articulated this so clearly in Matthew 5, in the Sermon on the Mount. 

If you think your problem is anger, the law shows you that it’s actually murder; if you think it’s lust, the law shows you that it’s actually adultery; if you think it’s impatience, the law shows you that it’s actually idolatry. 

No matter how good you think you’re becoming, when you’re graciously confronted by God’s law, we realize how far we fall short.   

And then, as if to keep us gasping for air, Matthew 5 ends with and by the way, you must be perfect. That’s the standard.  Because God is holy, no sin allowed.

Matthew 5:48. You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

We can’t help but cry out as Paul did, “Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” The law alone shows us how desperate we are for outside help, which is why we need the law to remind us every day just how much we need the gospel.

We have this tendency to water down the law.  We like to excuse and rationalize our sinful behavior. We can even get quite comfortable in it.

We like to trust in our own righteousness, our own self-made spirituality. Think of the Pharisees in Jesus’ day. The sinners who are smug in their own righteousness rehearsing the Ten Commandments and concluding that they do pretty well keeping all of those rules and are quite deserving of God’s approval. 

An arrogant form of legalism will be produced in those blind to God’s demand for total righteousness.  And a very low view of grace.

A low view of the law will cause you to conclude that you can do it, that the bar is low enough for you to jump over. A low view of the law makes you think that the standards are attainable, that the goals are reachable, and that the demands are doable. 

It’s this low view of the law that caused Immanuel Kant to conclude that “Ought implies can.” That is, to say that if I ought to do something is to imply that I am able to do it.

But life and reality constantly show us we can't.

A high view of the law rids us of the ambition that we can do it–which is quite exhausting honestly. It demolishes all attempts at self-sufficient moral endeavor.  Let me warn you that you’ll always maintain a bit of suspicion regarding the radical nature of unconditional grace as long as you think you have the capacity to keep the rules well. 

Only an inflexible picture of what God demands is able to penetrate the depth of our need and convince us that we never outgrow our need for grace. 

There’s no way to over emphasize grace. We are helpless before God’s perfect expectation.  In desperate need of amazing grace and the freedom it produces.  

This is why a high view of law equals a high view of grace and a low view of law equals a low view of grace.

Then to those who have been crushed by the hammer blows of the law, no longer secure in their lawlessness or self-righteousness, there is only one word that will do. That is the word of the gospel.

You see, the law puts us all on the same playing field.  We are all equal before God, sinners in need of being rescued.  The gospel declares sins to be forgiven through the suffering and death of Jesus Christ. The gospel is all about Christ and what He has done for us.  

And our security for all eternity is only held by His faithfulness, not ours, or we would mess that up too.  It's all about the cross.  It's all about Christ.

The gospel contains no demand, only the gift of God’s grace and truth in Christ. It has absolutely nothing to say about works of human achievement and everything to say about the mercy of God for sinners.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

It’s the great exchange, and because God loves us so much, we get the better end of the deal. Our sinful wretched soul in exchange for the perfect payment of Christs work on the cross.

No demands or conditions, no fine print, no exceptions, it’s a word from God that gives what it says, forgiveness of sins.

The gospel is the message that salvation is not achieved but received by grace through faith alone. The gospel promises blessings to those who were cursed, righteousness to the unrighteous, and life to the dead.

The gospel stills the voice of condemnation and shame.  The gospel contains no threats at all, but only words of consolation. There is no sin greater than grace, regardless of how hard us humans try.   

The gospel does not set in place requirements of something that we must do or even contribute. Do you understand that the gospel does not require you to furnish anything good? 

Not a good heart, not a good disposition, not a love of either God or people. Requires nothing. The thief on the cross had nothing to offer Christ but his sin.

However, once you respond to the gospel, it will change you, you will be different. It plants love into the believer’s heart and makes you capable of good works. It makes you desire good.  It demands nothing but gives everything.

Jesus + Nothing = Everything

Life changes when Jesus substituting himself for you catches fire in your heart. Once you’ve experienced Jesus as your substitute, it hits you hard. 

Jesus took your death sentence on himself. He took your cross in your place, and in my place. If you own that, if that truth runs you over, it’ll change your life. 

As believers, we need to hear both the law and the gospel. We need to hear the law because we are all, even after we’re saved, prone to wander in an “I can do it” direction. 

Believers are prone to self-righteousness. Yet the law shows non-Christians and Christians the same thing: how we can’t cut it on our own and how much we need Jesus. 

We need constant reminders that our best is never good enough and that there is something to be pardoned even in our best works. 

We need the law to freshly reveal to us that left to ourselves we’re a lot worse off than we think we are and that we never outgrow our need for the cleansing blood of Christ.

And that is why we rejoice in such good news of the gospel.  

Now further in Matthew 22, there's another religious scene taking place where Jesus is trying to explain these biblical truths to the Pharisees.  Instead of seeing their need of rescue, in their smugness, in their hardened hearts, they start playing games with Christ.  I like to call this the ‘Change the Name Game. 

Jesus is trying to tell them their need for Christ, important biblical truths, and ignoring the teachings of Christ, they throw into the conversation deep concerns about taxes for Caesar and marriages in heaven.  

Which we should pay our taxes, and there are no marriages in heaven by the way.  But this is a game of playing dodge ball with God's truth.  And it’s a common practice to this day.

The scene unfolds around wanting to look right, but they don't really go beyond the external. Someone doesn’t want to submit to God’s directives, but they do want to look good before others, so they play games with God.

Matthew 27 is dripping with irony because almost everyone involved thought that they saw Jesus, but they missed him. He was right in front of their faces and yet they completely missed him. They did not see Jesus for who he truly is. 

When the Holy Spirit, through the revelation of scripture, begins to impress upon our conscience things like, “This is something you need to do. This is something you need to change.” 

In response to that some play the game of not wanting to submit to the Lord and one way is to simply redefine His authority, to step away from the biblical, historical Jesus of the Bible and create your own Jesus.

We say things like this, “There’s no way that God would want me to do that.”  I mean when I first became a believer and tried to wrap my mind around submission, I knew that was not what God wanted for me!

There’s no way that could really be His expectation, because that would be difficult and clearly God doesn’t want to me have difficulty. I know the Bible commands that and yet I’m sure there is no way He would actually want that for me.”

People think and behave like that all the time. What they’re doing is saying that Jesus, as God has revealed Him in the Scriptures, is not to be submitted to. 

Instead it’s the Jesus of my imagination, the one of my creation, who never asks me to do anything I don’t want to do, who never rubs up against the rough spots in my life, and never would demand anything of me that might pull me away from sin and lead me toward holiness. That’s one way the game is played – just create a fictional Jesus that conforms to us.

Another way to play the game is we barter. So, when God in his word says, “I want you to take a step over here,” we think, “I don’t want to do that! So let me do this instead. Let me run as hard as I can over there. Instead of dealing with this one thing (since I don’t personally think it’s that big of a deal), let me get involved in this, let me read my Bible more, let me pray more, let me do more over here, so I don’t have to be obedient over there.” 

This person will migrate to things that look like righteous acts, but in the end, they’re truly acts of disobedience because what God was directing was simply this, but they don’t want to do this. Those are two ways we try to redefine the authority of Jesus Christ.

Do you see the pattern of their questioning? Often people who do not want to face up to the claims of Christ will grasp at anything they can in order to keep from dealing with the gospel. 

Let me assure you that Jesus is not a game player.  He's fully aware of our antics and self-deception. 

If there is any area of your life where you need to turn from, or if you're not 100% certain of where you will go when you die, you need to address these issues immediately!  Don’t wait, don't rethink it, trust in Jesus to do all that you can't. 

When we are re-crushed by the law, we need to be reminded that “Jesus paid it all.” Even in the life of the believer, the law continues to drive us back to Christ-to his cross, His shed blood, His righteousness. 

The gospel announces to failing, forgetful people that Jesus came to do for sinners what sinners could never do for themselves. The law demands that we do it all, and when our efforts fail, we surrender and respond, “I can’t do it.”

The gospel declares that Jesus came, not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it–Jesus met all of God’s perfect conditions on our behalf so that our relationship with God could be unconditional. God’s good law reveals our desperation; God’s good gospel reveals our deliverer, Jesus Christ.

What is it that distinguishes Christianity from every other religion? Religion says the way that you get right with God is you perfectly obey God's will. You do it. You fulfill and meet His standards - and then God will love you. Only then will you be accepted.

Christianity says you can't obey the will of God. You can't fulfill the will of God on you own, but Somebody else has perfectly obeyed the will of God on your behalf. Somebody else perfectly followed God even unto death. Death on the cross. Because He loves you!

Jesus trusted his father. He trusted his love and his plan. He trusted him, and God rewarded his trust by faithfully raising him from the dead and giving eternal life to all those who trust in Jesus. It's all about trust. Who do you trust and why do you trust them? 

When our children were little Jeff would pick them up and throw them into the air and then catch them. We played that game over and over and they loved it because they trusted him. They had a history. They had played that game many times before and never once had he let them fall and he never would. 

Jesus and the Father, they had a history. Jesus knew that His Father would not let him down. That He would be resurrected. 

Who do you trust and why do you trust them? Do you trust the Son of God, who came to do his Father's will? And in doing his Father's will, he rescued sinners. 

And when we put our trust in Jesus, we're doing the same thing. Jesus did not come down from the cross. He stayed there, bearing the weight and penalty of your sin and my sin. 

The religious leaders said, mockingly, “He saved others, but he cannot save himself.” If they had eyes to see, they would have realized that His mission to save others required a commitment to not save Himself. 

He could have called the angels.  But if He had saved himself there would be no payment of sin, no forgiveness of sins. If there were no shed blood, there would be no atonement. There would be no eternal salvation. 

Thankfully Jesus did not save himself. That's the wonder of the cross. Jesus chose not to save himself so that we might be saved. Remember in the passage how the soldiers offered him wine mixed with gall. What was that for? It would have dulled the pain a little. 

Do you know why Jesus refuse it? Because he voluntarily chose to fully experience the entire wrath of God on the cross. He would not dilute it one little bit and He did that for you. Because He loves you that much. The Son of God came to save you.

This truth of who killed Jesus not only provokes humility, but it also provokes assurance. A lady named Becky Pepper was a keynote speaker at a lady’s conference. A woman came up to her afterwards. The lady was quite distressed, and they slipped away to a quiet room to talk and the woman began to tell her story. 

She said this, “When I finished college, my fiancé́ and I were the youth directors at our church. We were the Ken and Barbie of the church. We were the model Christian young couple and our youth ministry was fruitful and we were getting married and the whole church was excited to celebrate our marriage with us in a few months. 

What no one knew is that we weren’t living what we preached. We were sexually active, and I became pregnant. We could not stand to tell our parents and to have our parents shamed in front of the whole church and have ourselves shamed in front of the whole church and so we had an abortion. ]````Our wedding day was the worst day of my life. There I was being celebrated by the church, dressed in white, the picture of a godly young Christian, this is what it's supposed to look like when you grow up as a faithful follower of Jesus. Inside, I knew what I had done, that I had taken the life of my child.” 

This lady was recounting an event that had occurred many years ago, yet she was still so broken. She is now the mother of three children and she sat there and wept and said, “I still can’t believe I did that. I can't believe that I killed an innocent life. I can't believe it. I can't forgive myself.” 

What would you say to this lady? Becky Pepper said something remarkable to her, something so deeply true and jaw dropping that it changed this lady’s life. Do you know what she said? Her gentle response, as she held this lady’s hand, was, “That child is not the first innocent life you took. It wasn't your first murder. You killed the son of God, the only innocent life ever.  He died for you!"

The woman began to stop crying and looked at her. She was at first speechless, as for the first time she understood the magnitude of that truth. 

Eventually she got the words out, “Wow, if he could forgive me for that, then he could forgive me for anything.” Becky said, “That’s right, that’s how amazing His grace is.” 

The gospel says Jesus has already done it for us!  He’s already finished all that needs to be done. In John chapter 3 God clearly instructs us that we must be born again, that we must repent of our sins. There is no infant baptism that secures you, no verse that says just ask Jesus in your heart.  Or just believe, because even Satan himself believes in Jesus.  He knows how it will end. 

It’s love expressed in substitution, Jesus took the punishment of my sin, I stand before God robed in His righteousness, not mine. 

The gospel declares that God’s grace is extreme, that his love is promiscuous, and that while our sin reaches far, His mercy reaches farther.

It’s God’s law, it’s God’s gospel, it’s God’s way, because He’s God. And it’s all so very perfect!

Dear Lord, help your truths penetrate the hardest of hearts, convict us of being constantly reminded of how far we fall short. How there is not one person here more deserving of your gift. How perfect and holy you are.  And how much you love us to send Jesus to rescue us for all eternity.

There is a neighboring church that has a fantastic Titus 2 ministry.  Every so often I get the privilege of being invited to speak on a specific topic.  This is from August 18, 2016 'Teens to Adult Children'.

When Nancy asked me to do this a few months ago, I couldn't, but as I thought about this topic, I thought of how I would go.
When she asked me to do it again, months later, and it was the same topic, I've figured out that y'all just save the hard topics for me!

I have 8 children, 4 adults, 4 of them teenagers in our home now.  It's a huge spectrum to cover so I got it down to about three hours.

So this isn't scripture, it's just what we've learned and concluded.  And I welcome any further dialog and insight!

It's hard for me to skip those 0-12 years, as that is the time to train, mold and shape young ones into the adults you believe God wants them to be.  In my opinion, 0 to 12 years of age is all about teaching, training, disciplining and discipling.

It's a season of sowing!  And even in the parable of the sower we don't know what kind of ground our sowing will land on. It's so important to give this season your all so that when you're done with it, you don't look back with regret or wished that you had given more! This is vital to having peace when children are adults.

Now if you've missed this opportunity, thankfully we serve a God of second chances!  3rd and 6th
chances! I would sit your kids down and explain, "We've  got some catching up to do, things are
gonna change around here! We are going to be doing things Gods way from here on out."  And then give it your all! And I mean start running this race like an Olympian coming up from behind!

Church - you have to be in church! Your kids have to see how important Jesus is to you, for your words to have any weight of how important you want Jesus to be to them! When we are on vacation, we go to church! If a back hurts, it can hurt at church. We tell our kids, "if you haven't thrown up, you must not be sick, we're going to church!" "If you just threw up, you must feel better, we're going to church!" Ha! I'm just kidding! We're not that bad!  But church is really important!

Children more attention pay to what you do than what you say!

It's an exhausting season, but so worth it!  The book of Matthew says that at age 12 it was time for Jesus to be about his Father's business.

So I think ages  .12-18 in our culture and society, is all about practice. I hear myself say things like, "Why am I reminding you to do what you know you're supposed to do?"

They're not lacking information but... Since my insight, advice, wisdom and instruction is free, I tend to give it generously!

I'm still pouring truth into their lives! Confirming truths. We are growing in wisdom and knowledge of the Lord together! Sharpening our iron.

So hopefully the 'why' of all the training and discipline of past years is starting to make sense!

I'm exposing sin, not protecting them from it. Allowing them to taste the law of reaping and sowing in amoral decisions and actions. So I'm not sending him on a date with a prostitute and telling him to
be wise, but our home is a safe place to fail and promotes learning, discussion, and wisdom. Lots of discussion!  Usually late at night sitting on the kitchen counters.

Confirming or challenging their faith. Not assuming.  Not confusing their ability to conform with actually being transformed.

Living, growing and examining our faith.

But the constant thread from the time they're born through all these years into adulthood is love! God given love. Love that covers a multitude of sin!  A love that is unselfish, unbreakable, always and forever kind of love. A love that is similar and exemplifies that of our Father in heaven.

So that's the easy part, right?

Ha! These kids grow up!  They make decisions all on their own!  They even have their own opinion of what truth is!  And their standards may very well end up different than my standards. After all, their experience of life is much different than mine. But as adults, their relationship with God is their responsibility from this point forward, not mine!

When they reach adults, my mothering years are done! (Swipe of hands!) I still am and forever will be mom, but mothering is truly a part time job.

For our adult children, we have the arrangement that if it's not sin, it's your world. You have the
freedom to live and do life however you want.

But if it's sin, according to God, not my own standards mind you, and I'd better be able to point to chapter and verse in the proper context, I do have a responsibility before God to address them whether you are my child or not!

2 Timothy 4:2 (ESV)
preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.

Sin is going to come up in all of us. We're not sinners because we sin, we sin because we're sinners!

So if it's sin, we have a responsibility to God to step in and say  "Hey, what's going on?"   Just as if
Jeff and I decided it would be a good idea to move to Salt Lake City and add three sister wives, I would hope somebody would say "Hey, I think that's a bad idea!"

We need other people to speak truth into our lives! I pray for other people to speak truth into my children's lives!

So there is sin...and then there are all these other issues that God didn't define as "sin"!  So I won't either!  Eat junk, shower once a month?  Let the law of sowing and reaping take over.

I have found one main theme through our lives to be a problem.  One main theme that scars relationships with our in-laws, relatives, and adult children, and friends.

One word that I have witnessed in my life and as a pastor's wife to cause great harm.

Any guesses?

Control. Controlling. Controlled.

Trying to take control over another person is to assume the place of God. It's a dangerous trap!  And one that we are extremely susceptible to.

Core issues - I'm not talking about these core, inner circle truths that are non-negotiable. That Jesus was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, and died a cruel death on the cross. A death so brutal that
there isn't a sin man can create that it wouldn't cover! He rose from the grave to show His power to overcome death, and ascended into heaven to show us He is the way, truth, and life, no man comes to heaven except through Jesus! These are truths that you would die for! Non-negotiable!

2nd tier truths that Christians have argued over forever. Issues that have biblical support, but I'm not dying over them. Baptism, 5 points, pre/post tribulation.  (I'm more of a pan-tribe and believe it's going to pan out in the end! ;0)

3rd tier - then there is this outer circle of issues that God's Word is silent on. Areas that He gives us personal, complete control over what to decide.  With the responsibility to seek His Word, and wise counsel, but there is truly no right or wrong way.  For example:
How to school our children, home/private/public/, home/hospital birth, immunize, medicine/oils, organic/Cheetos?  The list is endless!  (But I must say, I do love Cheetos!)

Now I'm not talking about controlling what goes on in your own home, that is our God given responsibility!  I'm talking about assuming our choices are what's best for anyone else, simply because they are our choices. When God's Word is completely silent on the subject.

Making our standards higher than Gods standards is dangerous territory and will cause huge problems in any relationship.

It stems from the sin of pride that thinks that my way of doing something is better than any of yours!

The Bible says that pride is the source of all contention. And it's pride, really, that makes us think we deserve control.

My favorite preacher, who just happens to be my husband, consistently says, "We need to be conforming ourselves to Jesus Christ not conforming others to be like us."

We often make the mistake of believing our will for them must be their highest good.  Yet God simply says, why don't you trust "Johnny" to me?

Can God truly be trusted?  If you have to think about that, I would encourage you to get to know God better!

How do we give up trying to arrange everything in our families life or circumstances and trust God?

By working on our own relationship with God. Letting the fruits of the Spirit overflow from our own lives. Because a controlling person is truly lacking the fruits of the Spirit. Which are...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

We give up control by asking ourselves: why am I imposing my way on them? Is it truly sin I'm
correcting or my preference?  Am I helping or hurting?

Dish soap -hit me like a 2x4.  So my daughter gets married and we all head to her house for dinner. Excitement is high, and we have a great time of fun, food, and fellowship! As we go to clean up, I realize that she isn't using the dish soap that I have always used!  And I've put a lot of thought into my dish soap!   I know that's so pathetic!  Actually, I'm far more pathetic than that, but this is what I'm willing to share!

I didn't say anything, but I'm concerned why I would even think about it.  So my next trip to the grocery store, to my remaining children's amusement, I buy every kind of dish soap there is.  I try
them all, and realize that I still like mine the best, but I no longer care what other brand anyone else uses!

Months later, after they've all been tried, I say to her out of the blue, 'Ya know, I no longer care what dish soap you use,'   And we shared a good laugh!

Control doesn't bring desired results. It brings bondage, destruction, and emotions like anger fear and shame.

Disappointment and guilt can cause us to try to seize control of the situation. We convince ourselves that if God will not do it then it's up to us!

However, when we do that, we believe the lie that God is not faithful! That He can't be trusted!  And
that alone puts us on the opposite side of God! (James 1)

When circumstances are out of my control or when people are doing things I don't like, do I sense something rising up inside, wanting to take hold of the situation and force it come out right?

Do I show disapproval or disappointment by the look on my face? Where there's no words needed.

When things aren't going my way what is my first emotional response? Fear? The sense of shame? Guilt? Embarrassment, like I'm the only one with problems?

If you justify "control" by, "but I meant well!"  There's no such thing. It will always be unfruitful to try to control or conform someone else to be like you.

Do you want liberation from fear, worry, and insecurity? Only by trusting Christ can you transform your world to joy and peace!

You shouldn't have faith and confidence in you, but you should only have faith and confidence in Christ!

My own personal stories of controllers.  (childbirth, parenting, homeschooling)
Does she really know what's best for me? Or does God?
Is anything more spiritual in the end result? Who can judge how spiritual an experience is? Pride oozes out everywhere, doesn't it?

One isn't necessarily better than the other, we just think it is because it's the choice we made.  We want support and approval, but even that's wrong, prideful thinking!

The more determined, aggressive and dogmatic we become, in insisting in our way, the more people around us retreat. Scatter!

The same way the Holy Spirit doesn't completely control us, He gives us plenty of room to sin! He guides, protects, convicts, but allows the law of reaping and sowing to do its job!

Eve controlled and took the lead of sin, then controlled her husband to follow.  Husbands will recoil from being controlled, and it will destroy marriages.

Sarah controlled Hagar - can you imagine those conversations? Manipulation at its best.

With much nagging, Delilah prodded Sampson day after day until he was tired to death.  In a similar way, nagging, can strip away spiritually and emotionally the inner strength and identity of anyone.

What's the cure?
Christ! He wants to help us recognize the prisons we have built and come to the One who has the key to freedom.
Repentance.  Turn from sin.
Renewing your mind. Only by Gods Word!
Letting go. Stop it! 😊
Vulnerability. Allowing those around you to hold you accountable, to help you build people up to Christ,  not bring them down to our human level.

As I like to pray Scripture, I remind myself to stop leaning on my own understanding of circumstances and people, to turn from seeking my own way, to quiet my anxious spirit and to listen for God's plan (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Control is an outgrowth of fear, insecurity and lack of self esteem.  Anxiety and depression are rampant and stem from lack of control. Medication can cover but Christ is the cure!

There are grave consequences to such, because it drives people away! The fruits of a controller are loneliness, bitterness, frustration, anxiety, pain, broken relationships and overwhelming guilt and shame.

Then when control becomes unchecked she becomes an intimidator.  An intimidator is to inspire fear, it's like a simmering pot always ready to boil over. If even slightly provoked produces a flash of anger as a warning signal. People learn to tell to not upset her and retreat. Everyone learns to walk on eggshells, to carefully avoid her full potential!

Truth is always negative at first. So I urged you to hang in there.  The Holy Spirit is both a cleansing fire and gentle teacher.  We know that only by the grace of God can we hope for change.


You also may need to go to someone and ask for forgiveness. Tell them that you are returning authority back to them!  Or confirm to an adult child that you're here for them, but trusting them to God, and giving them complete authority over their lives and relationship with Christ! The stress that comes when we attempt to be in control of relationships will ultimately rob us of the joy of life.

We can become free of that stress, when we release our control to God and begin to live in freedom from fear, giving total control to Jesus Christ!


The Control Trap by Barbara Sullivan and Boundaries by Henry Cloud are excellent books!  And sources along with Pastor Matt Chandler.


I pray we let the adults in our lives have the freedom of their wisdom and experience. Will they fail? Some times. Will they grow and learn from it? That's God's purpose and design. Should God still be the one to have complete control? Absolutely! Let us point them to Christ, not ourselves!

The Mother of Adult Children? Me?

In complete amazement of how fast this life passes by, it's happened to me.  2 adult children, and 6 to go!  Our oldest is married, and though it took me a year to tell her this story, I was so thankful she laughed.  I gave warning to be patient as I'm new to all this!
It's very important to me to be a kind, loving, encouraging, mother and mother-in-law!  Having no training in this new phase of life, we're flying by the seat of our pants!
Being a pastor's wife, shopping at Wal-mart, and just experiencing plain ole life you see a lot of what you want and don't want to do.  So I made mental notes of "deal with sin, ignore preference" and I have a note on my dresser from one of Jeff's sermons that says, "We should encourage people to be more like Christ, not to be like us".
So what do I do?
Upon a visit to my adult, happily married daughter's new home, I find myself shocked that she doesn't use the same dish soap that we have always used!  That's where my heart goes!  I know, it's embarrassing!  But I've put a lot of thought in to my dish soap!  I want the suds to last and not leave a film on dishes, blah, blah, blah.  So why would I even care what someone else uses?  Wouldn't I be grateful that I have a daughter smart enough to buy her own dish soap?  Wouldn't I count the abundant blessings in seeing her build her home in such a Christ honoring way?  Nope, I concern myself about dish soap.  I am so pathetic!
So when I came across this book, I just knew I had to read it and it was wonderful! Not only giving me insight in my own life, but also in the ministry.

So now, I'm a bit wiser, in the dish soap arena anyway.  I even went and bought every new dish soap  available just to break the idol of my previous one!  (Though I did go back to my old tried and true favorite dish soap, it no longer bothers me which soap other people use!  Freedom!)  (Probably more of a control issue which I have some good books on that too for another post! )  God help me!  God help my kids!  May I love them unconditionally, rebuke sin if needed, and never ever be concerned about dish soap again!

Galations 5:13  For you were called to freedom, brothers.  Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

But God

I didn't take the time to count them all, or even read them all yet, but these simple words "but God" occur approximately 592 times depending on which version you prefer.

I think it is truly biblical to share our woes and burdens with one another, asking for prayer, seeking wise counsel, just thinking out loud is helpful.  But I pray that I can always finish my struggles with a hearty "but God"!

There can be some hard things to deal with, health issues, death, divorce, hurt and sins, things that can consume our thoughts if we allow them to.  If we allow them to then it quickly becomes all about us.  That gets heavier all the time.  But God....

If I can train my mind (Romans 12:1-2) to always add the "but God..." then I'm turning that focus and purpose back to Christ.  It renews my mind that there is a purpose, far greater than my difficulty.

"This is really hard...but God promises..."

"I'm heartbroken...but God loves..."

It reminds me that God loves me with an everlasting, unchanging, pure love.  It reminds me that God allows difficulties for our own good, even if we can't see it at the time.  It reminds me that God is all powerful, creating this amazing world.  It reminds me that God is not taken by surprise and can handle even the most difficult situations.  No buts about it!

Psalm 73:26  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Put On Love

In seeking wisdom about adopting we've received a wide span of advice.  From 'Don't do it, it's too hard!' to 'It's the most incredible blessing ever!'  That seems confusing to someone considering such a huge undertaking!

The nays say it's too hard to really and truly love a child that's not yours, that's not your true bloodline.  But I've seen too many families that have proved this wrong!  Families that have adopted or even blended families can either do this really well or unfortunately sometimes not.

So to sort it out in my own mind I compare it to what Christ did for us.  He loved us while we were sinners (Romans 5:8  God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.)  And of course if you have or have been around children, they are sinners.  At times it can even be hard to like a child being extremely difficult and challenging, bloodline or not, but we still need to love them.  That may be the exact reason why a child would act in such a sinful manner, searching to see if they are truly loved.  It would never be the child's fault for not being or feeling loved, that weighs solely and completely on the parent.

God is love.  He defines it and gives us the desire for it.  It's completely our responsibility as parents to teach and exemplify love, in all occasions, through all trials, no matter how challenging or difficult it may be.  And if we ever fall short, we should be quick to repent and change OUR hearts!  Colossians 3 covers this beautifully.

Verse 5 says, "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."  These are deceitful things that can draw our love away.  There are projects, entertainment, even serving that can distract us from loving our children.  Deuteronomy 6:5-7, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."  We need to be teaching love all the day long. 

Verses 7 and 8, "In these you too once walked, when you were living in them.  But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth."  We were there, we were and still are sinners, Christ died for us!  For me!

So then we have verse 12 and 13, "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."

And nothing could wrap it up better than verses 14 and 15, "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."

No matter what child comes across your path, since God created them, thank Him, and love them with a diligence that would never for a moment allow them to question the power of love!  Love earnestly!

Jeff has a Facebook page called 'Followers of Christ' that he post on almost daily, this was a recent favorite of mine. 

You Don’t Want That: A Moral Life (Joe Thorn)

I have these memories of my mother asking me, “What do you want for Christmas, Joey?” And, like most kids who are asked such a question I was ready with my answer(s). This was before the internet and Amazon “wish lists,” but I cataloged commercials in my brain and ranked the toys I wanted from must-have or I’ll die, down to must-have or I’ll almost die. Sometimes I would say, “I want a [random toy from 1981]!” to which my mom would reply matter-of-factly, “Oh, you don’t want that.”

I remember thinking to myself, “You just asked me what I wanted. I told you what I want, and then you tell me I don’t really want that thing?!”

Of course, what I didn’t understand then is that my mother had knowledge I did not have. She knew that some toys I desired were junk and would leave me frustrated and dissatisfied. What she was saying to me was, “You want what is being promised, but that thing cannot give you what it offers.”

This is a lesson I think we all need to continue to learn.

I hope you will refuse to settle for a moral life. The temptation is great, and you will find it appealing, but if you choose a moral life for yourself you will ultimately experience an aimless wandering that bears no fruit.

You want what is being promised, but that thing cannot give you what it offers. Why would I object to a moral life? It’s not like a moral life is an ugly thing. And I understand the appeal. It’s all about doing the right thing. We should do the right thing. In fact, doing the right thing has become such a rarity that it grabs our attention when people at least attempt it. What’s not to like about it? A moral life is one of obedience to the law; of discipline and consistency. Who could object to doing well, or being good? Well, these are not bad things, but on their own they will disappoint because we were not created by God (and recreated through the gospel) to be merely moral, but godly. You don’t want a moral life. You want a godly life.

This is one of my great hopes for my family and church; that we would not pursue morality, but godliness– and there is a real difference between the two. The difference has to do with purpose and power.

The purpose or goal of the moral life is generally limited to a good performance. This doesn’t make it insincere. It just means that its purpose is no greater than the commands it follows. A godly life, however, has a purpose that goes beyond the imperative to the God who has commanded us. The purpose of a godly life is to reflect the beauty of our Maker and Redeemer through a life lived according to his will and ways. Think of it this way, the moral life is lived for the command, a godly life is lived for the Commander. And the difference between a moral and a godly life is not only the purpose that guides it, but also the power that drives it.

The moral life generally finds its power in the will. Success is found in our ability to make hard (but good) choices and carrying out hard (but good) work. The godly life, too, involves such work, but the power to pull it off is not found in our own strength, but in a strength God provides by the gospel. As Paul wrote in Phil. 2:12, 13, “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”

You don’t want a moral life. A moral life is rooted in law, powered by will, and focused on self. You want a godly life. A life rooted in gospel, powered by sanctifying grace, and focused on God.

Control

This is going to be a tough subject, and I've been praying that what I want to share comes across gentle and loving, because I certainly want it to. 

When we first became Christians, within a few months I began to understand what submission meant.  I knew what God intended it to be and the 'why' behind it. I was surrounded by wonderful examples of such.  I also knew my past nature and I knew that I had quite a challenge before me to conform to God's word in this area.
 
I always thought that if I didn't get my own way I just had to get louder, cry, or pitch a fit until I did.  I also observed, that there were other ways to control;  silence treatments, withdrawing emotionally and physically, slamming doors, walking out, belittling, threatening, and even abuse. 

So when I saw a book called "The Control Trap" by Barbara A. Sullivan, it perked my interest.  It was a life transforming book. I like to underline important things in a book for quick reference if I ever have to go back through, and I underlined A LOT in this book!

Barbara Sullivan is very wise and knowledgable in this area.  She did her homework.  And she's very straight forward!  She doesn't sugar coat much at all. 

I think control is a huge source of contention involving women.  With their husbands, children, neighbors, and friends.  It's definitely a must read! Do I agree with everything?  Nope, but the good far outweighs that!

One of my favorite quotes from my hubby's sermon's is  "We should be conforming ourselves to be like Christ, not conforming others to be like us."