Say what you mean, mean what you say!

It's much harder than one might think!  I struggled with this a lot when I was a younger mom.  I thought it was a good idea to 'keep 'em guessing' or 'on their toes' never knowing what angle I'm going to use next.  I would waver over such things as petty as a piece of gum!  "Can I have one?"  "No."  I'd say.  "Why not?"  Well, I wasn't sure.  I didn't really have a good reason and really didn't think it through.
Then I came across the verse  in Matthew 5:37  "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes', and your 'No', 'No'.  For whatever is more than these is from the evil one."
So I knew I had to get it straight and not allow Satan any more entertainment!  It seemed like it was a couple of weeks where I would have to tell the children to wait a moment for a response, until I thought it through enough to give the right response with the right results.  Now, since I've had LOTS of practice, it seems normal.  And my kids have learned that when I answer something that's it, well at least in a perfect world!
Since our world isn't so perfect, sometimes a child will try to discuss and persway my vote in a different direction.  I'm usually open to discussion if it's a new topic, but I'm on to the ones trying to sneak something by me!  And sometimes I'm just wrong, didn't think it through, didn't weigh all the options, and took a wrong turn, it's okay to humbly ask your children for forgiveness!  They are always so willing and quick to do so!
I always try to say yes if I can.  I always look them in the eye.  And if they are close enough I always like to put my arm around them, wrap my hands arounds their cute, pudgy cheeks.  And smile!  Even if they get a 'No!' they walk away knowing that it's the best answer for them because they are loved so much!

One of my favorite quotes is from C. H. Spurgeon:

"There must be a willingness to obey the Lord in all His commandments.  It is a shameful thing for a man to profess discipleship and yet refuse to learn His Lord's will...or dare to disobey when that will is known.  How can a man be a disciple of Christ when he openly lives in disobedience to Him?  If the professed convert distinctly and diliberately declares that he nows his Lords will but does not mean to tattend to it, you are not to pamper his presumption, but it is your DUTY to assure him that he is not saved."

Love and Marriage

This is a tough topic for parents of adult children.  There are many books and advice available and I've read most of them.  One of my most favorites is in the form of a film, "Pamela's Prayer".  Jeff and I watched it when our kids were little and it has become our prayer for many years.  Then as a few of them have become old enough we watched it with them and thankfully they have shared our enthusiasm and have adopted such values as their own. 

It expresses saving oneself for their husband or wife, and not allowing anyone else to share your heart or anything physical.  I know it's a radical thought in this day and age!  In the film, they even save their first kiss for their wedding ceramony.  I've been to a couple of weddings where the bride and groom have done this and it's a beautiful thing!  They certainly have no regrets, no baggage, and no memories to fall back on! 

We have hit our kids pretty hard with the importance of this!  Because who you marry is the second most important decision you make in your whole life!  Deciding to be born again is the first!  (See John Chapter 3)  So just like when you go to the store to buy a candy bar, you don't want to buy one that has the seal opened, or maybe even one with a bite already taken out of it!  You want the one that is the least handled, the least touched, and protected from all outside elements!  We tell our kids that their future spouse will want the same thing! 

Purity matters to God!  And we as mothers and fathers need to take it seriously and share the importance of it and it's consequences with our children.  It involves more than just praying about it, and it may be as simple as watching a movie together to get the conversation in that direction.

The B.I.B.L.E.

I just got a new Bible!   It's an ESV (English Standard Version) and  I  LOVE it!  It's so easy to read!  I spend longer doing my devotions and understand the context so much better!  I spend no time reading 'man's' commentary trying to explain the old English of a KJV.

I don't have anything against the KJV, I liked it when that was the Bible I was reading, but I like the ESV so much better!

There is a following of "KJV only" where some believe that if you're not reading the KJV you're not even saved.  Any translation from the original transcript is just that - a translation.  And how do KJV followers explain such translations in other languages than English?  Is God able to work through a German translation to save people?  And what did people read before 1611?

Now, I am concerned with some translations.  Any translation that has added books to the Bible, or any that are translated by one person scares me!  The Bible speaks to such things in Revelation 22:18  "I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book:  if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book."  And in Proverbs 11:14  "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety."

So take your pick, but the best Bible around is the one you are reading!

What are we feeding our kids?

"Kids like what you feed them!"  That's my new favorite quote.  It's true with food, music,books, entertainment, clothes, anything.  People are shocked when they see our kids eat green peppers and cucumbers like candy, but they are just a staple that's constantly put with a meal.
Did you know that kids can learn to like foods that they detest just by trying them every so often.  We laugh at this because we've turned around so many dislikes just by tasting it.  Kids who used to hate lasagna or broccoli are amazed that they are now favorites!
I find myself puzzled when someone complains that their kids watch too much TV or computer games, and then uses the withdrawal of them as a punishment.  To me it sends a mixed message, it shows the parents importance on these things to the child. If we pull something, reading and piano are the first to go, we want them to know those are top on our list. 
Books are a very important aspect to take careful consideration!  They are a fantastic way to place importance on reading.  We include books on almost every gift.  They can shape and pull a child in many directions.  It's easy to start an appetite in things that may or may not be fruitful, so we are very picky! 
If kids are fed classical music and hymns, and this is what is listened to at home, they will develop an appreciation for that kind of music as well.  We also have added books on music that teach us what to look out for in the snare of 'worldly music'.
If we come across an attitude or a behavior that is unpleasant, we ask ourselves, "What is feeding it?"  There is almost always a source, it may be external, but it may be a slack on our part as well in teaching and training. 
Children don't just grow up by accident, they are shaped, molded and guided.  Their appetites are formed.   They learn from us, and imitate their parents more than anyone!  I pray we constantly take our role as parents seriously and humbly seek the Lord's help and guidance daily!  And ask ourselves, what are we making them hungry for? 

2 Titus 3:15  You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.  And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

To be discreet...

That's part of the Titus 2 commission.  Some Bible translations put is as:  to live wisely and be pure,  to be self-controlled and pure, [to be] discreet, chaste, [to be] sober-minded, chaste.  And Titus 2 6-8 continue on with "Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded in all things showing yourself [to be] a pattern of good works; in doctrine [showing] integrity, reverence, incorruptibility,  sound speech that cannot be condemned".  Those are strong words and give me more to think on the more I read and meditate on them. 

This has been a tough subject, especially while raising teenagers (boys and girls) in this day and age.  I'm not certain where it all begins, two year olds love the freedom of running around with no clothes, but how does a young girl become comfortable in public with most of her body showing?  I often wonder the full process it takes for one to be comfortable or if she just has a stronger desire to fit in and conform.  I have heard several mom's convictions on modesty, but yet their daughters exhibit that they don't share it.  I hope that is a battle I never loose, and I think I would fight till my death on it.  We have never struggled, never argued on what to bring in to our home, if a garment is questionable it's not worth it and it gets plucked quickly.  There are no piles of clothes that are okay for one occasion and not another.  No clothes that are okay for one group of friends and not another.  I think such hypocrisy defeats any and all morals.

I'm strongly convicted that such standards have to be all across the board.  From swimming, to weddings, to private parties, to family time.  NO exceptions!  If we have a heart to honor God in this commandment, then that heart shouldn't change to suit our earthly, daily needs.

We have modest swim suits and in comparison to my youth, I was amazed how much more I enjoyed my time not thinking if I needed to adjust something or what someone might see.  I'm very comfortable when someone walks up to me and I could talk to them void of feeling conscientious.  I even had someone say, "I knew you were 'religious' by your suits", so testimonies are told in every area of our lives
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In trying to come up with a post I don't think that I could top what my daughter Megan wrote on her blog so I just copied it:

A Sense of Shame

In Genesis 3, Eve reached out and ate the forbidden fruit, introducing sin to our world. The first thing she noticed – the first thought that ran through her head – was that she was naked. And what was her response? She made herself a covering.

She knew. The original innocence was gone. Sin brought a sense of shame that had been previously nonexistent.

When God came into the garden, Eve knew what she had done. She, as the serpent had promised, knew all things, both good and evil. And she realized that what she had done was evil.

What happened next – God cursed the serpent, the man, and the woman, and sent them away from the garden. The other thing that He did was clothe them.

With sin came this sense of shame – a need to be covered. It was one of God’s first actions toward fallen man – to provide a suitable covering.

Today, it seems that most girls have left that sense of shame far behind.

Completing the Picture

What is this a picture of?

This is one half of a stick figure. What does your brain automatically do when it sees the figure? It completes the picture, right?

 This is not a bad thing – this is just the way our brain works. We can complete pictures based on the minimal information we see.

This is why modesty is vital – because our minds are made to complete pictures.

Girls, when we are wearing clothing that reveals too much, we are showing part of a picture – a picture that was not meant for just anyone to see. We are inviting anyone who happens to see us to complete that picture.

We could do our brothers in Christ such a service if we put more thought and discretion into what we put on in the morning. Short skirts and low blouses are made to show more than is appropriate and to intentionally to gain the wrong kind of attention.

Girls, I beg you – be known as a modest girl, grow into a modest woman. You might have to go against the fashion. You might be the odd one out. Your friends might make fun of you – but that’s okay! It is better to be pure in the sight of God then to fit in with the rest of the world.

1 Timothy 2:9 – That women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation.

1 Peter 3:3 – Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

God’s command is modesty. That doesn’t mean we have to dress frumpy. It does mean that we are to cover ourselves decently; but even more than that, we are to strive to be pleasing in the sight of God – to be a woman of God in the ‘hidden person of the heart’.

Our clothing sends a message to the world around us. It can communicate “I am loved. I am a child of God, and I seek His approval”; or, it can say “I want attention, and I do not value God’s standards”. What message is your clothing sending?

If you desire to learn more about pleasing God with your clothing choices, I have two resources that I highly recommend. Number one is Nancy Leigh Demoss’ radio series entitled “Modesty: Does God really care what I wear?” My Mom says this is the most thorough study she’s ever seen done on this topic; and I agree. This is an excellent, practical study. You can read it online or download the audio, but this is one series you need to go through.

The second resource is the Rebelution modesty survey: www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey This survey is hundreds of Christian guys answering girl’s questions on modesty. I would really encourage you girls to spend some time reading on the site, especially the text responses for each question. You will come away with a better understanding of what modest dress is, and you will be further encouraged to strive for modesty yourself.

Thanks to Megan Leach and Fleur Allen for some of the ideas in this post.

I also might add "The Public Undressing of America" as another great resource.
I pray that we allow God's Word to direct our path, our thinking and our convictions!  And I pray that we always have the spine to uphold and stand true to His commandments!

Joshua 1:8  This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it.  For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.  

James 1:23-25  For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror;  for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.  But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues (in it), and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. 

Psalm 119:9  How can a young man keep his way pure?  By keeping it according to Your word.

Rebuke!

Friends and family are so very important in life.  They have power to encourage, exhort, and love unconditionally!  They also have the ability to pull down and even destroy.  That's why it's so important to have input and purpose, and give direction when it comes to our children's friends, as well as our own.  Everything should have a purpose.  It's easy to see when a child is being pulled in the wrong direction, but it's harder to do something about it.  

We are extremely blessed with many friends who care enough about us to tell us the truth, to rebuke us when needed.   Several of our friends have pointed out things that we wouldn't have caught otherwise.  Some have questioned our choices and motives to help us see something better.  At the conclusion of a 4 day visit we asked our friends, 'What are we missing?  What can we improve on?'  And can you believe they were honest?!!!  Proverbs  27:5  "Open rebuke [is] better than love carefully concealed."   We know they love us dearly!  That was a huge blessing because at the time we didn't see it at all, and then BAM! it was there.  It was huge!  And it was ugly!  But we knew how to correct it and that gentle, loving rebuke saved us from a lot of pain and turmoil down the road.

So now we try to make it a practice to let our friends know that we want their feedback!  We want help!  We don't want to look back on this journey with regret, wishing we had done something different when it's too late.   I pray we always have humble, teachable hearts, yeilding to God's will and God's way!

Proverbs 9:8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise [man], and he will love you.

Proverbs 13:18 Poverty and shame [will come] to him who disdains correction, But he who regards a rebuke will be honored.

Proverbs 15:32 He who disdains instruction despises his own soul, But he who heeds rebuke gets understanding.

Proverbs 17:10 Rebuke is more effective for a wise [man] Than a hundred blows on a fool.

Proverbs 19:25 Strike a scoffer, and the simple will become wary; Rebuke one who has understanding, [and] he will discern knowledge.

Proverbs 24:25 But those who rebuke [the wicked] will have delight, And a good blessing will come upon them.

Ecclestiastes 7:5 [It is] better to hear the rebuke of the wise Than for a man to hear the song of fools.

2 Timothy 4:2 Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.

Titus 1:13 This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith,

Titus 2:15 Speak these things, exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no one despise you.

Revelation 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent.