Marriage

Occassionally my husband will write out most of his sermons, here is one of my favorites!

Submission


Philippians 2:7-8 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. (1850)

Biblical submission is placing one's self willingly under the authority of another. It is not slavery. Jesus relationship to His Father is our example.

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

You are equal in essence and in value to the Lord.
There is a difference between essence and function. Both of you are equal in essence, but should differ in function.

I Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1779)

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. (1839)

Husbands have to place themselves under God's authority in order to make their authority in the family legitimate

Men, you have authority in your homes, no question about it. But your authority is limited to what you are supposed to do, not to whatever you want to do. A husband should not misuse his wife's submission to get what he wants or to "put her in her place".

How a man responds to the authority of God in his life determines how his wife will fare in their marriage. (Submit to him?)

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up. (1943)

When a wife willingly submits to her husband, she is not just saying yes to him. She is saying yes to the Lord.

The godly wife honors her husband's desire to be a leader by giving him the support he needs in order to be what God has called him to be.

Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Woman was created to come alongside man and assist him. She was never meant to bear alone the responsibility for the home and family.

God does not ask wives to sacrifice their intellect or abilities. He asks them to wed their skills with those of their husband.

Expectations & Commitment

Mark 10:7-9 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (1514)

God intended marriage to be solid, binding, and enduring.

I Corinthianss 13:6-7 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. (1785)

It only takes a few minutes to get married, but it takes a lifetime to keep a marriage thriving.

The test of commitment does not come when you are at the altar, but further down the road. It actually does not take much commitment to get married. But it takes tremendous commitment to stay married instead of quitting if there comes a time when the marriage needs work.

There are no shortcuts to building a healthy, loving, and caring marriage. It is a lifetime process of growth, development, and problem-solving. It requires time, tears, hard work, and sacrifice

Anyone who believes otherwise has been reading too many fairy tales.

Romans 12:10 [Be] kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another (1754)

Putting the other first is critically important because you're going into the marriage with hundreds of differing expectations.

Conflicts

Colossians 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. (1867)

Conflicts are normal, natural, and to be expected.

Learn how to settle disagreements.
Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (1837)

Settle conflicts with your mate or your children before the end of each day.

Ephesians 3:16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; (1834)

Conflicts in marriage should not destroy the union. They should show the power of Christ within us.

Agape love
I John 3:16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. (1966)
Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (1738)
Biblical love is commitment love. It is not simply how you feel. Agape love is not discussion love. It is more than words that sound good. It is what you do. Agape love is always demonstrated love.

The spiritual strength of your marriage will be determined by the degree to which you keep the vow of unconditional love that you will make to each other at the wedding altar

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (183)

Biblical love is sacrificial.
Ephesians 5:28-29 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (1840)

A husband's love for his wife is measured by actions, not by vocabulary. It is measure by what he does for her, not by what he says.

Agape love is different from other loves because it is acting on someone else's behalf without expecting anything in return. Love without demanding anything in return.

I Corinthians 13:4-5 Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Money

Ephesians 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. (1840)

Discussions of "my money, your money" Christian husbands and wives is inconsistent with biblical teachings. The Bible makes it clear that "the two shall become one flesh, and that means one in every way. In marriage money needs to be considered "ours" rather than "mine" and "yours", or you are headed for problems.

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. (1934)

If you can't afford it, don't buy it.

Culture

I John 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. (1963)

The world is trying to influence us.

Titus 2:4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
A noble wife is one who had decided that her home comes first.

For a wife and mother, loving her home means deciding consciously that her home comes before everything else in the human sphere.

In society today we have a huge percentage of women in the work force. Our homes are feeling the effect of this; I don't see any evidence of Christian homes being improved by outside activities.

Psalm 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. (949)

The world says the more children you have the poorer you are. The Bible says "the more children you have the richer you are"

Traps

Oneness

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.

A husband must cleave to his wife. The word cleaves means to "stick like glue" or to "attach oneself in a viselike grip"

Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

God made marriage in such a way that no third party has a right to interfere with the married couple's relationship.

I Corinthians 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. (1771)

Whatever our marital status, the Bible warns us to run from immorality. The idea is to skate where the ice is thickest, not thinnest.

Prayer

I Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing (1878)

Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. (1857)

Psalm 88:13 But unto thee have I cried, O LORD; and in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee. (918)

Prayer is not the only thing you need to do. It is just the first thing you need to do.

Prayer needs to our first response to a need, not a last resort.

Prayer is our way of saying "I'm banking on you God"

Often a wife will ask her husband, "do you love me?" His answer may be "you know I love you." No she doesn't! You have to keep telling her, keep showing her that she is your one and only. John 15:12

A man should come to give not to get. He should seek to serve his wife and family, even when he is tired and hungry and has had a rough day at work. Acts 20:35

God's word says husbands need to know their wives. They need to understand what makes them tick. It will pay huge dividends. I Peter 3:7

Arrange the inside so it is even more beautiful than the outside. I Peter 3:4

One of the best gifts a godly man can give his family is a sense of stability in this unstable world. I Corinthians 15:58
A godly man is a man of compassion and mercy. He is a protector of the helpless.

Job 29:12, 16

I recommend the HAT formula for decision making at home. Hold off on all decisions if you are Hungry, Angry, or Tired. James 1:19,20
Christian marriage is wonderful, but it is not a cure-all. If your relationship with Christ is not rich and satisfying before marriage, nothing magical will happen when you get married.

Colossians 3:15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.

Money

When Jeff and I were first married we weren't very wise with money. We didn't prepare for the lean times ahead and they came with a vim! We weren't planning on having children for quite a while and therefore didn't have health insurance. So our first 2 babies brought $18,000 in debt.  Business was not going well at all. We were charging our food to eat. We were in debt far more than he made in a year! We had one junky car, a card table to eat on that had 3 wobaly legs. No washer or dryer. No matching furniture. In fact we only had a couch to sit on, that was it other than the metal folding chairs at our dinning room card table. (When ever someone stopped by we had to move the folding chairs in front of the couch.) A one bedroom apartment with a loft that smelled of the previous renters' ferrets. And found out that we were expecting child number 3. Lean times indeed. They were hard. Miserable. Stressful on our marriage. Did I mention miserable?

Looking back, I'd choose to go through them all again if it brought the same fruit, the same faith and trust that God provided!

The Lord used our situation to bring us to salvation. I remember the first part of October, after we were saved for about 6 months. All I had to wear to church was my tennis shoes and white sandals that I wore all summer. Jeff was convicted that we should start tithing and I was convicted that I needed some brown shoes so I wouldn't have to wear my worn out white sandals or my grungy tennis shoes to church! We could start tithing right after I got my shoes! Well, he won, and we started tithing. I was not the cheerful giver at the time! The very next month someone sent us a gift of $4,000. I got my brown shoes.

We were newly saved, maybe 2 years in our Christian walk, and God directed Cutco to offer Jeff a position in WI, we had to take it. It was more money, but not what we needed to get out of debt. But we didn't have many options so we moved when Daniel was 4 months old.  That was a hard move with 3 little ones 5 and under!  We lived in an apartment in Waukesha for the first 6 months, then found our duplex in Brookfield and rented there for 6 years.

Jeff has had a personal conviction for me to stay at home, and God honored that financially. Things started looking up. We found chairs in our neighbors garbage, that were a puky green and a throw up yellow. They didn't match anything, but they were something else for the 6 of us to sit on other than our couch. (A friend of ours would comment every time she visited in regards to the chairs: "You know you can cover those with something instead of looking at that color all the time!") We found a good deal on a dinning room table and we no longer had to set our drinks on the counter by Jeff and ask him to pass them to us because the card table was too wobbly to hold drinks.

5 years later we were completely out of debt, ready to buy our first house. Jeff was a changed man. The stress was gone. Megan was 12 years old before we ever could afford or owned our own house. But she didn't care about that. Her memories are of us being together as a family, of me being home with her.  Here, we were able to buy our first 'new' living room furniture, and put the old stuff in the basement. Jeff said that we could get rid of those puky colored chairs now, but I wanted to keep them. I want to always be reminded how God supplied a need and saw us through. I always want to remember and remind our children that there were some tough times. (I also want to show my friend whenever she visits because I still haven't covered them! ;-)

We are one and I wanted to help in any way I could. Being frugal, clipping coupons, second hand shopping, etc. I baby sat for a year or so, but that was really hard with my own little ones, being sick and pregnant, sleepless nights. I would help Jeff stuff envelopes, roll up flyers and whatever else to make things as easy for him. I believe the absolute best way to help a husband is to be content. No murmuring or complaining. I think the Lord kept us in the desert until I learned this concept well!

I firmly believe, without a single doubt, that the only reason we are so blessed today is because Jeff stayed true to God's Word. Satan surely tempted and made us wonder. But God's ways are so much better. I'm so thankful for these stories that I can pass down to our children. How I can share with our boys the hero their dad was during the hard times. How he stood firm and steadfast, worked hard and long just to provide for his family. And if we do something extra or special we explain that this is a blessing, and they always say thanks to Jeff and God for taking them out to eat or on a bike ride or on a vacation.

That's my experience. My opinion is...seek God! Trust His Word, follow willingly whatever path He has for you! Encourage your husband in any way you can. Show him thankfulness in whatever he is able to provide for you. Study the content heart, and share what you've learned with your children. One lady told me when I was griping about our situation, "If God doesn't provide it through your husband, He doesn't want you to have it!". That hit me hard and has stayed with me since!

Your decisions are also discipling and shaping your children. They are watching closely what you do, what you think is important. Do they see you trusting in God in the lean times? Even thanking Him? Following and staying true to His Word, come what may? Counting your blessings, and grateful that no one has had to go to bed hungry, that you still have a place to call home, and have such love and joy from just being together. Someone once told us that one of the worst things you could ever do to your children is to let them know you have money. That things come easy for them, that they never have to do without. The lessons our children have learned from our experience is priceless. Praying for certain things, and seeing God answer them is amazing! This was but a season, but God will work it out for good!